Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I found out I have diabetes. She thought it was an STD and I had cheated on her. So I explained what it really was and she dumped me again because she didn't want her future children to inherit my fucked up DNA. FML
Today, my dad went to the doctor to find out if he is autistic. When we walked in, the doctor asked why he wasn't testing if he was diabetic, effectively calling my dad fat. My dad was deeply offended, so I gave that jackass doctor an earful. But as it turns out, he was correct. My dad does have diabetes. FML
Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML
Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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Top comments
rttr 18
That's the same reaction my dad had when they found out my mom had it! Don't worry, just teach him what it really is. Also I'm sorry, but that is very funny.
doctorhook86 25
33: I have type 2 genital diabetes; my penis gets fat whenever a pretty girl gives it some sugar.
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Comments (123)
SimplyEerb 3
Google it and prove him wrong (:
LuckyLynx7732 5
Its really a shame how one good ****** can link you to an idiot for the rest of your life.
perdix 31
Just tell him as long as he doesn't put sugar on your pussy, everything will be OK.
Enslaved 38
Pass the Splenda please.
perdix 31
The boyfriend's probably one of those Sweet-n-Lo morons.
perdix 31
Uh-oh, I must have pissed off the Sweet-n-Lo fanatics. Good thing I haven't made my cutting remarks about the lunatic Stevia hipster doofuses.
andiewithlove 21
*puts on hipster glasses, a ratty construction worker beanie, super authentic wood plugs, and a flannel* ......I love stevia...
lolfood 24
I read this as genital diabetes. D: (I know that doesn't make sense.)
lexa1love 16
I did too at first!
Roskosity 22
This way you can give him a good reason you don't want any "sugar". ;)
KiddNYC1O 22
You resemble Susana Gonzales.
DJP0N3 0
Yd for getting pregnant before you married or at least knew the guy well
xk75 4
KidS? You're having more than one with this prize!
tmmundy 17
Maybe op is having twins? That would explain "s" on kids.
TheJester12 15
It's a good thing you explained it to him . He would have never eaten you out again if he wasn't allowed to douse your foul tasting clam in sugar once in a while ;)
greenie213 23
Tell him it's contagious.
DocBastard 40
I don't mean to sugarcoat this, but you can't blame him for being confused. All things being Equal, he may be thick as molasses, but he sounds like a sweet guy. I'm sure he'll end up being a Splendad father.
Trisha_aus 15
SplenDAD indeed
tmmundy 17
DocBasterd, your comments are the highlight of my day, corky; cute; to the point; or down right funny, and always like your profile pictures.
lolfood 24
Docbastard*