Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML
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Top comments
magenkyo 0
dump the bitch before you loose a ********(s). if she can't take a little joke like that then she is disposable move on to something else
Reyo 2
Wait, why the **** does he deserve it? Are the Femanazis on the rampage again? I just can't see how "kicking you in the nuts and possibly hurting your chances of reproducting" is a logical way of getting back at someone for "touching your back with cold hands". I bet you're the types who think hitting your husband with a frying pan is a valid way of getting back at him for tickling you. OP, go for her left tit when she's asleep. A god old fashioned hammerfist'll do the trick. (now watch this comment get burried.)
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Comments (119)
carlabrah 0
i got a plan for you. it involves baked beans.. lots of baked beans.. and a deadly cupcake straight to her face.
Mikki_Mik 0
ahehe i like her.
maryxlent 0
this sounds exactly like me and my boyfriend hahaha except i do it involuntarily in my sleep...
Alphacide 0
Doesn't sound like a fair trade at all.
bobnorris 0
an eye for a nut
rachs1161 0
payback's a bitch lol
siv97splat 0
that is why you don't touch a Romans back with cold hands for fun... she could have done alot worse than smash a ********... trust me YDI
hawaiiroots808 0
oh jeeez
Scorch117 0
You don't deserve it no matter what. It could have messed up your repro system. I don't care if I get the e-chair, I'd kill that bitch. >:( FYL OP
Adventure_Time 5
Whoah calm down. Jeez it's not THAT bad.
foreverDark 1
Wait till she's asleep, jack off and cum on her face. Or in her nose. Whatever works for you