Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML
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Top comments
magenkyo 0
dump the bitch before you loose a ********(s). if she can't take a little joke like that then she is disposable move on to something else
Reyo 2
Wait, why the **** does he deserve it? Are the Femanazis on the rampage again? I just can't see how "kicking you in the nuts and possibly hurting your chances of reproducting" is a logical way of getting back at someone for "touching your back with cold hands". I bet you're the types who think hitting your husband with a frying pan is a valid way of getting back at him for tickling you. OP, go for her left tit when she's asleep. A god old fashioned hammerfist'll do the trick. (now watch this comment get burried.)
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Comments (119)
littlegolferboy 4
I think if they were lying down facing each other he probably would already have his arms around her, so it wouldn't be very hard to slip his hand down and put it under her shirt, which would most likely cause her knee-jerk reaction.
pyroanarchist23 0
are you people retarded? she didnt knee him in the nuts as a reaction right when he tickled her she did it later when he was asleep. god people are so ******* stupid
myfriend_youfail 3
.......Ooookay.....calm down....everything is going to be okay...think pleasant, calming thoughts...
DeathShad0 1
Who the hell put YDI? Someone's gonna have to CHOKE A BITCH.
avfcfan89 0
geez, that's a true bitch.
strangersdk 0
Why the **** did he deserve this? Or is it just a massive amount of feminists thinking he somehow got what was coming to him. Cold hands is funny - she should have done something like that back or something similar (ice while asleep), but kneeing in the groin is ****** up. OP should leave her dumb ass.
Snowlight_fml 7
Well, at least YOU have a good idea of whats funny.
badbunny 0
maybe she was on her period...
Veritas143 0
If it were a reaction he would have said as I was falling asleep I decided to touch her back and she hit me in the nuts, instead he says he played his prank then as he was falling asleep she did it.. this was premeditated first degree ball crushing, guilty on all counts!
iammeanttolive 0
Nut up or shut up.
ILoveMyLifeSoMuc 0
smooth move bonehead