Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML
Today, I was at a store trying to buy a birthday gift for my niece when I knocked over a stack of porcelain dolls. As they crashed to the floor, a security guard rushed over, but before I could apologize, I heard a tiny voice behind me: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!” It was just another prank by my mortified son, but it was too late to stop people glaring at me. FML
Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML
Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML
Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was acting up, so instead of spanking him, I put him in the corner for timeout. He screamed and thrashed and kicked the walls so hard my neighbors called the police. My sister wasn’t answering her phone, and I had to explain why a 7-year-old was acting like that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
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Top comments
Americanus 7
Time to invest in some curtains maybe?
BillMurray_fml 12
Are you ok? You seem a little shaken up about the whole thing.
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Comments (85)
perdix 31
You are a child abuser. It's just that you got caught abusing your training mannequin! I know they make Airway Annie to help train people for CPR, but I don't know why they'd make a Little Bill to help baby-shakers!
fordneagles 34
Nope, you fail this time perdix. Too far mate, too far.
Dave_Davington 34
You do realise that batteries need to be changed when they stop working, right? Shaking them solves absolutely nothing.
mybubbles2000 13
But it feels so good. Tension release.
blackzi11a 7
Looks can be deceiving.
TIRiIPIPiN 6
oooo...not good!
JennNoVa 8
Report your neighbor to the cops for peeping!
blueknight1st 26
And that's the problem, way too many people that don't mind their own business.
voidnemesis 8
Ouch. Looks like you`ve been shaked out of trust by your neighbours. Unlucky. You HAVE heard about blinds, I hope? Or curtains? :) Nah, I`m just being mean. Unlucky. "Nosy neighbours" usually comes with either "trouble" or "curtains".
bach2121 13
People need to mind their own damn business
jw90 18
Could be worse, they could think you're a...child molester. Duh duh duh..
Racaro 3
Time to invest in a blow up doll. Maybe next time he's looking he'll think your banging his wife!
tman1985 9
fill it up as much as humanly possible with ketchup, then stab it XD