Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML
Today, I was at a store trying to buy a birthday gift for my niece when I knocked over a stack of porcelain dolls. As they crashed to the floor, a security guard rushed over, but before I could apologize, I heard a tiny voice behind me: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!” It was just another prank by my mortified son, but it was too late to stop people glaring at me. FML
Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML
Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML
Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was acting up, so instead of spanking him, I put him in the corner for timeout. He screamed and thrashed and kicked the walls so hard my neighbors called the police. My sister wasn’t answering her phone, and I had to explain why a 7-year-old was acting like that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
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Top comments
Americanus 7
Time to invest in some curtains maybe?
BillMurray_fml 12
Are you ok? You seem a little shaken up about the whole thing.
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Comments (85)
Dcm210 19
Invasion of privacy on his part.
CrazyMelvin 14
Next time do it away from the window.
caysters 12
This would be incredibly funny if your son is white... How could you mistake little bill for him then?
mybubbles2000 13
Half tempted to shake Little Bill myself for causing so much trouble.
peacejunior 12
But the Bill doll is also a little thing. Worse, it had no say with its ability to work properly or not. Why to angrily shake it? Not a doll fan. But they have rights.
Akazuki 26
C
ksks1234 33
I am rather fond of the letter K, but to each their own.
GoddessOfCookies 14
I like the way you think...
shellyalison1 1
Fake
Fernando83 19
Likely story, but if true parents will tell their kids to stay away from your home and not bother you.
Mauskau 36
"'Lil Bill!" Are your children the same race as the doll? If they're not you can maybe have a chance.