AnRom
United States
Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
scarred4life
Canada
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Jesus
Canada
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Anonytard
Toronto, Canada
Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML
jillydark6609
United States
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
pinkXpress1023
United Kingdom
Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML
OuchImAMoron
This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff
Old Bridge, United States
Reflex
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
lexii
United States
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
AussieGirl
Australia
Freaked
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
eebie jeebies
Cypress, United States
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
HighasaCloud
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Top comments
rhodium 0
Even wizards need to mutter a spell, you know...
Anteezy 7
FYL for not having supernatural powers.
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Comments (86)
hunter989 0
this is a mlia not an fml lol
turnedoffTVgrey 0
Most retarded thing ever.
blackseminarian 0
Hilarious!
blastvortex 4
That's because that's not the Force you're feeling - it's constipation, especially of the mental variety.
xxreikoxx 31
The FML staff must have been pretty close to falling to the ground in absolute hysterics when they let this one get published. Either that, or they felt bad for the OP's stupidity. OP, what are you, blonde?
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
In Soviet Russia, Queen Spider stomps you. Yes, I know you said Spider Queen, but it's more authoritative when a royal title is mentioned first (like my username).
withered 30
Hahahaha xD
thinmint 0
Thank you for wasting 30 seconds of my time.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
(sighs) I nearly fought that damn Chicken of Bristol. If only I hadn't wet myself...
insanecadet 0
and then you wasted a few more doing something more pointless