Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML
Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house, we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said, "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML
Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML
Today, it was me and my wife's anniversary. I spent it consoling her as she cried over a man she loved 20 years ago. They never even dated. FML
Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML
Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML
Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML
Today, I wish I'd been a whole hell of a lot sluttier and more adventurous in my 20s. Nowadays my libido has me ready to burst, but my partner not so much. I miss feeling wanted and just letting myself get lost in my own pleasure. FML
Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML
Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML
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Top comments
knight0748 5
Tell her that's fine, in a few years you'll trade her in for a newer and younger one anyway.
fatfatgoeshome 8
At least you have her now! ....yay!
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Comments (119)
EvilDave 13
OP, you need to either drop her or treat her like the bitch she is.
Terezi 0
Once again, with obvious children not knowing anything at all about being married...
HomeAl0ne 20
is*
Sparx1_1 16
Congratulations your wife is a shallow bitch who married you for your money. The only question now is does she love you now that you've been together for a while or is it still all about your money.
DocBastard 40
To everyone who is calling the wife a shallow bitch, have you considered the possibility that she has, oh what's that called again, uh, a sense of humor? My wife and I verbally spar with each other all the time and we've been happily together for over 13 years. Little playful jabs like that help keep things fresh and interesting. Dammit, I can not keep making helpful, inoffensive comments like this! Shitshitshitshit!
Sparx1_1 16
If it was just the usual husband and wife banter I don't think he'd have posted it as an FML.
polopony 0
#44- yes, please stop. That's why we have Cinn
DocBastard 40
Sparx- see comment #28. That's OP's comment, and it should clear things up. Polopony- I'm sorry my comment did not please you. I do, in fact, make comments only to make you happy. I apologize for my transgression, and I only hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
israelnotjacob 20
No this goes far beyond just a simple tease. This was flat out saying that she settled for him because she could have done way better had she married younger but she waited and just finally took him as a consolation prize. Yeah teasing each other is one thing. This was completely stuck up and rude. No way around it.
newzealand 28
Ice Bitch!
skyeyez9 25
Ouch
tonyv90 0
K first of all there will always be the settler in the relationship. In almost all cases the girl is the one that is the settler, because we all know that pussy is power. I can say that my girlfriend settled for me and be ok with it because I know the reasons she settled for me... ...i have a large wiener
tonyv90 0
**** can be purchased at a later date. The ass is what matters
tonyv90 0
@ 48 **** can be purchased at a later date. The ass is what matters
kayluhchaos 0
I would say this 20 years from now x]