Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML
Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house, we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said, "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML
Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML
Today, it was me and my wife's anniversary. I spent it consoling her as she cried over a man she loved 20 years ago. They never even dated. FML
Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML
Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML
Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML
Today, I wish I'd been a whole hell of a lot sluttier and more adventurous in my 20s. Nowadays my libido has me ready to burst, but my partner not so much. I miss feeling wanted and just letting myself get lost in my own pleasure. FML
Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML
Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML
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Top comments
knight0748 5
Tell her that's fine, in a few years you'll trade her in for a newer and younger one anyway.
fatfatgoeshome 8
At least you have her now! ....yay!
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Comments (119)
truthbetoldxoxo 0
haha! that sucks!! your wife is a ugly bitch now!! I'd dump her ass and go find a hottie with some nice ****. leave her saggy **** behind!
KittehSayzRAWR 0
WOW, having second thoughts now are you?
RedPillSucks 33
Trade that 40 year old in for two twenties.
spady62287 0
lol anyone got change for a 40?
rickolette 0
u can take my sisters lol
starile 20
55, you're a sick, sick man. I'll take 'em. Have my mom. Keep the change.
ulicksam 0
What's the problem? You made a comment about how she looked 20 years ago and so did she. YDI.
Anteezy 7
Woah are you married to a cougar there OP?
generalcheif123 0
no he's saying he wished he married her 20 years ago so that they could of had more time together
fearfulsymmetry 1
Well her comment was a little rude. Also, having beautiful **** doesn't make a woman attractive. If you have a paper bag worthy face then attractive breasts will do nothing for you.
DjeePee 25
You can always put a bag over your head! OP, all I hope is that she was joking. There is more in life than looks.
WallyTheWombat 0
True... but to most guys, your **** are your first impression to us. Kinda like an attention grabber.
fearfulsymmetry 1
I understand that may be one of the first things you look at, but you're going to have to look at a woman's face at SOME point. And if it's nasty, well......
perdix 31
Not if you stick with doggie style and anal. Great **** trump all but the most hideous of faces.
5t3ff1k4h 47
31 - How do you explain women with smaller breasts getting at least some attention, then? Not all guys find giant sacks attractive. Disclaimer: This comment was not meant to offend those with giant sacks on their chests.
perdix 31
#42 - The answer is: They have great asses.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Not all of them. And there are some men out there who only prefer boobs rather than asses, yet still like small boobs. Granted, these men are few and far between.
styphon 5
men who like boobs, but like small boobs? impossible!
riseofabreakings 0
well there's me, d's and above aren't attractive to me, I stick with c and below...
perdix 31
#47. Beautiful **** are not necessarily big ****. Nice B's or C's can be very attractive. Bigger than that can be beautiful, but if they are misshapen or obviously fake, they can be revolting. It's not just size, the appearance of the nipples and areolae are also important factors. As is not having hair in the cleavage!
zemo999 0
No matter HOW good looking a gal is there is a guy somewhere that is tired of her chit!! LoL
kofinater 3
#31 I'm an ass guy myself
Quest_ 13
42, I'm not really buying your 'disclaimer', I actually found that quite rude and spiteful.
5t3ff1k4h 47
79 - Interpret it how you will, but know that I'm not trying to offend anyone. I added the disclaimer solely for the purpose of being one step ahead of those who I knew would eventually whine.
perdix 31
#79 -- Pics* or it's** fake! * Pics means photographs if you are an adult or a hand-drawn stick figure, if you are underage. ** it = your righteous indignation.
Quest_ 13
I don't want to argue with you, but surely you can see how I construed my viewpoint from your phrasing. I don't think anyone would want to hear parts of their body referred to in a way that sounds as gross as "giant sacks".
newzealand 28
perdix, you ******* winner :D
5t3ff1k4h 47
Yes I can see why you may have misconstrued the meaning of my post but that still doesn't change the fact I wasn't trying to offend anyone. /ending pointless argument. Agreeing to disagreeing.
jwade1236 0
at least she's honest
GLOCKMAMA 0
Sorry OP, but that's funny as shit. I think I would get along great with your wife.
prinzess_fml 25
Actually you're right. Even though it sounded bad it was more like self-criticism. She then said that when she was young she would always chose cool guys over good guys and also that she's happy she's not with someone who's only interested in showing her off now. And I think she's still beautiful.
EvilDave 13
No. It was not self-criticism. She was stating flat out that she settled for him. She is just another stuck-up, shallow bitch.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Uh, Dave, you realize you're talking to the OP, right? Not all women are bitches; not all women are out to hurt men. Shit!
sxm 13
what a mean lady.
Falken45 0
lmfao! right on