Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, my husband woke me up by sending me a picture of a guy I used to semi-see. The same night my boyfriend sent me a furious text asking why I didn’t tell him I’m married, because my husband has found his Instagram and was harassing him online. Like, leave me alone. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, I found out that my husband wants to leave me. I got the message loud and clear when his girlfriend forwarded me screenshots of all their texts. FML
Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
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Top comments
person961 9
Husband: I see another man near you in our house! Wife: Thats your reflection dear Husband: Oh... just making sure because I don't want to lose you to our pool boy Wife: We don't even have a pool boy Husband:...Click
YourEvilHero 12
the joy of having big houses...
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Comments (35)
Grimnirwher9 21
I'll say, you have some nerve to cheat on your husband while he's in the same house!
samasara 20
At least you know he loves you, and wants to be with you.(:
lacespace 8
Or he's paranoid she's cheating because that is what he's doing, or maybe not. Who knows. Jealousy and paranoia are never a plus in a relationship either way, it's usually an indicator of instability and problems.
LuckyLynx7732 5
If he jumps to "Are you cheating on me?" that quick then I think there are other issues you two need to discuss.
ElishaisSexy2016 9
When someone accuses you of cheating, most of the time they are the cheaters. O.O
horsesaboveppl 9
At least he cares!!!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If your house has an east and west wing, it's too ******* big. If you can get lost in your bathroom, it's too ******* big. If your husband thinks your out cheating on him when you're in the next room, it's TOO ******* BIG. Down size.
bunny911 16
I must say, Squeaky, this is the first time I've ever read one of your comments in a high pitched voice, and it was actually kind of funny. Now, I wonder what voices I can stick on Noor, Doc, and Perdix...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Noor: Angry Russian Maid Doc: A strange mix between NPH and Picard Perdix: Jim Carrey
daizey 4
Lmao!
graphicstyle7 17
Time for the two of you to see a therapist...
AFEmoWifey 0
OP, sorry you had to deal with that. I have been there. The husband woke up and I was gone, but I had gone upstairs to the kitchen to cook. He called me in a tizzy. So I'm going to assume that it was a similar situation for you OP
KiddNYC1O 22
Your bedroom was in the basement?
perdix 31
Why didn't you answer his calls? Your mouth was full, perhaps?
Djasso19 3
usually someone who accuses u of cheating all the time is actually in fact cheating on you