Today, while stressing about our third date, which I had planned to be third date sex night, I binge-ate a bag of peanuts. When he picked me up, the first thing I did was kiss him. He asked me why he could taste peanuts. He never told me he’s allergic. Sex night turned into hospital night. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML
Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
Today, I bought a pack of peanuts to share with my partner and his 16 ear-old daughter, whom I'd just been introduced to. I asked him if I could eat his peanuts as well, since he wasn't eating them and, because my greedy mouth was stuffed with my own peanuts, it came out as, "Can I eat your penis?" FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
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Top comments
lilacgold 16
Deadly allergies are definitely something to disclose before even going on the first date - if the other person eating something could make you sick, that's not something to keep from them! This is very much on him.
TwoBytesCarley 27
If he’s that allergic to peanuts, he definitely should have let you know previously. He should also have an epi pen close at hand!
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Comments (3)
lilacgold 16
Deadly allergies are definitely something to disclose before even going on the first date - if the other person eating something could make you sick, that's not something to keep from them! This is very much on him.
TwoBytesCarley 27
If he’s that allergic to peanuts, he definitely should have let you know previously. He should also have an epi pen close at hand!
Lffayen 4
Epi still requires hospital visit immediately after.
RichardPencil 32
You expected penis and he got unexpected peanuts. Poetry!
Thaylok 17
Something swelled for sure.