Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML
Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML
Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
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Top comments
texmas 0
See, this is why you will die alone. Not because you're overweight, or because you don't have a job- though, those things certainly don't help. But because you have no ambition, no aspirations, no hopes, no desires, no drive. As a woman, I can definitively say that there is nothing less attractive than self-imposed hopelessness. That sort of depression is absolutely contagious. I'm sure you have positive traits, but this post has officially labeled you as the worst sort of loser: a boring loser with no desire to change that.
fredrikleijon 4
Google is your friend
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Comments (76)
Timmytwofinger 0
why not invest in a real doll if your actually that sad
Really_SIGH 7
Agreed. It is fmls like this one that inspired my name... Op if it really sucks, put your dick in it ;)
Rainbowsareshiny 0
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha you could just make a porno with your hot best friend (girl or boy)
rottentomatoes 7
like Zack and Miri?
gabybilyk 5
Where's number 1 ?
khaldun 0
OMG GUYZ, I ACCIDENTALLY MY FLESHLIGHT.
twitteraddict 0
whats a fleshlight?
fredrikleijon 4
Google is your friend
Pineapple_Salad 14
A think you shove up your vag
Eashy 16
What the **** made you think that's what it is?
texmas 0
See, this is why you will die alone. Not because you're overweight, or because you don't have a job- though, those things certainly don't help. But because you have no ambition, no aspirations, no hopes, no desires, no drive. As a woman, I can definitively say that there is nothing less attractive than self-imposed hopelessness. That sort of depression is absolutely contagious. I'm sure you have positive traits, but this post has officially labeled you as the worst sort of loser: a boring loser with no desire to change that.
Dylan94_fml 8
wow, bitch...
bitcherinn 0
I second this.
Popsiclese 0
booooring
RavenXRampage 1
I completely agree with you.
SulfurPlague 0
as a dude, i can definately say that there is nothing less attractive then a bitch. don't be so stuck up.
No_LoveMM 3
46- Agreed.
windfuelsfire 10
100% agree Tex.
22cute 17
I'm pretty sure Tex isn't interested in attracting your type of "man". I know I'm not.
roxas355 0
although some of this is true you don't need to be so harsh, or quite frankly a bitch about it.
koolkat27 13
well, someones definetly pmsing:(
resplendencerino_fml 3
what, so she's stuck up because this type of man doesn't do it for her? get a reality check
nickswardson 0
You realize almost all of these fmls are fake, right?
Number1Wiener 5
Maybe she's just fat? :D
emodude44 0
What?
Solano2580 24
So everyone with depression is completely unattractive and basically a loser? I have depression yet I haven't had any one I ever dated dump me specifically for that reason, not every woman thinks like you so don't act like what you said applies to most women, just superficial ones that expect to be with sports stars or geniuses
JeanNe91 0
amen to #13.
HyperFlirt 0
Although they try, a 'Fleshlight' is nothing like having sex with a real woman.
tismylife09 0
#2 haha zack and miri
urallosers 0
all i can say is you're the biggest loser i've read about so far. I wish i had invested in the company that makes fleshlites, as i'm sure their's more losers out their like you that would buy them. Stop smoking pot, get a job, get a savings account, and start running. #9 was right. start doing something about it.
Dillon13 0
"fleshlite" and "their's more losers" Should be "fleshlight" and "there's more losers" also, have you ever heard of capitalization?
Superflyshyguy 0
GRAMMAR NAZI!!! Jk, I just want to feel important T~T
Dylan94_fml 8
ugh another grammar Nazi >.>
StarfleetAcademy 0
I'm sure you meant "there are more losers". "Losers" is plural. If you're going to be a grammar Nazi, please do it correctly.
11colio11 4
oh god who cares about grammar
klovemachine 24
I'm a loser too :-D how ironic
lokar_ogar 11
Just like all women who own a vibrator are losers, too, right?
snowhawk22 0
you sound like my friend. only he has a job, but everything else is exactly the same.