Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog celebrated my coming home by slapping me in the junk repeatedly with his tail. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML
Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML
Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I was exhausted after three solid weeks of having my kids. After I got home, my dog decided to get intimate with his stuffed animal toy. I now know what my dog’s dong looks like, and that he’s gotten more action in the last two months than I have. FML
Today, I realized I have more dogs than I do friends. I have two dogs. FML
Today, as I watched my male and female dogs frolic, play, and lick each other, it occurred to me there's more love and romance between them than I have ever had in my whole damned life. FML
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Top comments
aRandomAccount 5
Either you are short, or you have a big dog. What kind of dog do you have, OP?
InfiniteSunshine 32
My uncle's dog caused the same sort of problems. He was like a Pitbull mix, so he had a long thin tail. When he was happy and wagged it, which was the majority of the time, it was like a whip and it would hurt even if it hit just your leg. There were a few times he hit the more intimate areas too as he was just the right height. Eventually, everyone learned to stand away from the back of him when he was wagging it lol.
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Comments (13)
aRandomAccount 5
Either you are short, or you have a big dog. What kind of dog do you have, OP?
RichardPencil 32
Either get your dog's tail docked, wear a cup at all times or wear 8-inch platform shoes. To be safe, apply all three solutions. They ain't called the family jewels for nothin'!
bigred121970 10
Glad I have a Cat. Although the cat's claws HAVE scratched me at the base. PAINFUL. Lol
InfiniteSunshine 32
My uncle's dog caused the same sort of problems. He was like a Pitbull mix, so he had a long thin tail. When he was happy and wagged it, which was the majority of the time, it was like a whip and it would hurt even if it hit just your leg. There were a few times he hit the more intimate areas too as he was just the right height. Eventually, everyone learned to stand away from the back of him when he was wagging it lol.
LyricaSilvan 30
I've got a golden retriever who does that sometimes. She grew up in a house where all the other dogs are small breeds, so she thinks she's small too. So she'll walk around the house waving her tail and knocking stuff over, and never even notices.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Memo to OP: Don't stand behind your dog.
HaleyMeredith 13
At least your dog is happy to see you!
species4872 20
Your legs are too short.
602offroad 12
My dog does the same thing. One time she nailed my gf's 10 year old son, poor kid was crying.
Yudith 28
So that's why people cut their dog's tail...