Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML
Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML
Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML
Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML
Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house, and his cat followed me to the bathroom. I accidentally knocked down a bottle of bug spray and went to pick it up, and the cat started freaking out. Apparently, he sprays her with water so often that she's become terrified of bottles in general. Now I feel like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
airball33 0
You shouldn't have done that
xX504DBXx 0
impressive aha. next time I'd like to see you scare the shit out of an elephant and see how enthusiastic you are about that.
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Comments (61)
ryanriola 0
my cat shat on my dogs head beford snd my dog then ate it
sourgirl101 29
^Is that your cat? Because if it is, that's one fat pussy!
LexSwift 17
You should have said, "Because if it is, you have a fat pussy!" lololol
kikibisweet 0
Cats rule!
BloodyHeel 8
Yay for dog species.
twinny_sc 13
That's exactly why all cats should die.
maybaybe 0
noooo :(
Vehicle 1
No. People like you should get a heart transplant.
missrebecca3 8
you are the definition of a heartless asshole
seracy13 0
I scared the shut out of daughter one time poor baby was crying so bad when I fell I could help but laugh lol
ClickMyPicture 0
You are a terrible parent.
lolaisagirl 0
wow this comment needs the grammar Nazis
Lounia_fml 8
Shit*, my*, comma*, the*, cross out "when", once*, felt*, couldn't*, PERIOD*. You're a terrible parent.
kindlystfupls 0
^awesome.
officeradvil 8
cats are shitty :|
lolaisagirl 0
haha "cats rule, dogs drool" and although they do drool I still love 'em :) I love my dog, my cat and my puppy
ruby84 1
kitten are cute, independent & have personality & attitude. most dogs are like a child with ADD on a sugar rush; constantly chasing you to get attention, barking when people pass by the house and are unpredictable.
chetchatter 5
LMFAO and YTDI
CallMeHush 1
You better refrain from picking up small children also.