Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML
Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML
Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mejiiaa 0
Lezbehonest you raised her well
alexicanaaa 7
Going down on a girl, I'm assuming.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (472)
ebxr82nv 2
Awsome
b_rai 0
Lmao at least u know which team she plays for
walshy511 0
***** these days
yoyo2309 7
u must be so proud!!
aPieceOfFruit 16
while your at it research Cleveland steamer and rainbow shower. your world will never be the same :)
denise509 0
As I was reading this I was wondering if the post spelt "fourteen" right. Then I read on only to realize I knew what muff diving was
AeryFairy 10
Don't see how your life is f*cked from this, aside from the ridiculous euphemism. 14 is not too young to be exploring sexual feelings, your daughter's sexuality whether gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual or anything else should not matter to you, and at least she is experimenting with her best friend - someone she trusts and who will hopefully give her a safe and comfortable experience. The only possible awkwardness for you as a parent is giving her 'the talk' if you haven't already.
derpies 12
It's crap like this that makes me ashamed of my generation
insomniac8400 13
There's no way the licensing board would award certification to minors without parental consent
Zach2014 11
That a great way to find out you have a lesbian daughter