Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

Ouch!

Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML

Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML

What? How? Why?

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

Out of service

Today, after I injured my left wrist from holding my nephew the wrong way for too many hours on New Year's, and found out that it would optimistically take 4-6 weeks to heal, this morning I managed to give myself second degree burns on my right hand from handling a tray I didn't know was hot. So that's three weeks with no hands. FML

Go get an Xray, dude

Today, I was on autopilot, walking out of the bathroom, and separated my pinky toe from the rest of my toes over the door frame. I dropped to the ground in pain, and my toe and half my foot still hurts hours later. FML

I don't know my strength

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

Put some steel toe boots on

Today, I went to shut the door and ended up banging my toe on my guitar stand; then, as I was getting a snack out of a closet, I banged my toe again on the drawer and now I can't walk. FML

MVP

Today, during my second shift back at work after missing four weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need three weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML