Anonymous
Australia
Countdown
Today, I took my regular shit, like clockwork. Same time, every single day. Unfortunately, that time is midnight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
Den Dungen, Netherlands
Where am I?
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
Anonymous
Greenville, United States
Pain in the ass
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
well fuck
Warsaw, Poland
Daily grind
Today, I got home from working 14 hours straight, went to take a dump, and fell asleep on the toilet. I woke up later on the floor, covered in shit and piss, with my alarm going off, an hour before I was due back at work. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Stuck
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Anonymous
Big Lake, United States
Shitty situation
Today, I either have to shit my brains out on the hour every hour like clockwork, or stop taking my medicine and go back to suffering debilitating PTSD. Regardless, I’m spending half of my day locked in a small space and unable to live freely. FML
yawning
Australia
Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML
Anonymous
Perrysburg, United States
Sophie's choice
Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML
Poopie
Canada
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Anonymous
Cranberry juice might help
Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML
cauteriseme
United Kingdom
Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Who gives a shit? Wait, you do. At midnight. What's the matter? Do you go to sleep at 10pm and shit the bed?
Yudith 28
Take an extended vacation to a place where midnight in Australia is noon. Bam! Problem solved.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Who gives a shit? Wait, you do. At midnight. What's the matter? Do you go to sleep at 10pm and shit the bed?
Yudith 28
Take an extended vacation to a place where midnight in Australia is noon. Bam! Problem solved.
kevinwm0 15
Were you asleep? I think that would be worse.
metroido 21
it doesn’t matter that the time is midnight. what matters is that it’s in the toilet and not in your bed.