Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML
Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML
Today, I introduced my two crazy friends who are both into QAnon to each other. It went so poorly that now they fight online over who has better facts, and they both complain to me about the other. FML
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML
Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Pretty sure the comments are going to be stopped pretty soon. If not, all hail a religion war.
22cute 17
Actually, that theory makes MORE sense from a biological standpoint than virgin birth.
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Comments (179)
rosha267 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Doesn't sound much crazier than half of what's written in the bible...
jonagoo 8
Agreed
22cute 17
Actually, that theory makes MORE sense from a biological standpoint than virgin birth.
MissHayleyJames 7
Respectfully disagreed.
FMLshark 12
Wait. That's not what happened? My whole life at crazy Jesus camp was a LIE
Bekll 31
I think they all make the same amount of sense: zero.
AustinMahone_fml 3
such a complicated fml
danishbagel 3
I don't look down or have weighted thoughts on the Bible, Qur'an, or Torah. They are all equally worthless.
skitzofunia88 8
America, I did not have sexual relations with that woman!
stellafoy 1
What the hell............
DomoGenesis 3
I sense comments being locked due to religious differences. Happens every time.
Epsilonyx 15
Lol. Just lol.
Epsilonyx 15
Also, 16, it does not. Virgin birth in the scientific community is known as parthenogenesis. That's a bit more plausible than a mutated extraterrestrial Jesus raping a woman.
TheStoryOfWazza 9
Rape is wrong.
dansco 25
It sounds like a Predator storyline lol. Would've made that Mel Gibson movie so much better...
Danny0522 8
85- The results are in. You are NOT the father.
golfer_boi 10
What the hell is the Qur'an??? It's the Koran dumbass.
jonagoo 8
Dafuq? Sounds better than a Jesus freak.
DanniMal87 3
everyone is entitled to their own opinion!
GoingCommando93 14
Agreed. People are entitled to believe in anything they want to or not anything at all If you don't believe in anything, then respect the people who do, no matter how strange it sounds. All if not most beliefs systems are supported in their own way.
l23VIVE 17
Not when it's this stupid
DK1234567 8
You see OPs friends beliefs start a new branch if christianity
mufc4everch 2
Yes, and we have the right to tell them (politely) that they are wrong (unless they have proof).
Isoldael 27
How can you tell them they are wrong as long as you can't prove the opposite? That's why I never claim god doesn't exist, even though I don't personally believe in him.
marinus_fml 20
Pretty sure the comments are going to be stopped pretty soon. If not, all hail a religion war.
MissHayleyJames 7
I was just about to say the same thing.
l23VIVE 17
Tu es psychicae! (thats latin for "you are psychic!")
Palirose 22
It's fun reading the religion arguments. It's a bunch of people arguing over fairytales.
missynicole16 0
That's cute(:
wildflower_grow 1
LOVE IT!
ladyLALAA 29
Hey mum, there's something in the back room, hope it's not the creatures from above!
proud2fly 7
62- blink 182 reference ftw.
swimmerstud 7
If you we're his friend you wouldn't care about what he thinks about Jesus...
immaMonsta 8
Were*
bitch_pleez 10
Look at the picture of the guy who's spelling you just corrected. I believe it speaks for everyone who does not give two ***** how a word is spelled as long as the meaning is clear.
swimmerstud 7
Your right Bitch_Pleez. I actually was going to say "bitch please you think I care?" but you took the words right out of my mouth!
Blue_Black_fml 21
^^ You're** right. It makes it much easier for the readers to understand what you're saying when you spell words correctly. I won't care if you call me a bitch like you did with #17.
swimmerstud 7
I won't call you out. If you can read it and it makes sense, you shouldn't be correcting it, it's not a big deal.
Gothicbunnyx3 16
Next he'll want you to LARP.
Kog_Hiro 17
Whoa now. Larping and having a weird/awkward/different view on religion is 2 completely different things that are not tied in any way. Lets try and keep that as such please.
MeowsLikaLion 4
live action roll play is awesome shut your dirty mouth. not that having a different view on religion is in any way shape or form connected to it.
kenyrabit 25
Ah, saying she'll be the earth woman, and he'll play Alien-Jesus? ..Could be fun.
the_tiger_fml 0
you would care if he was mental tho...
titzenpitzer 9
awesome theory..
KMtheDrummer 6
ALIENS
ea247 20
Seems legit
l23VIVE 17
Not really
chimocho 8
Are many Americans this weird with religion? :S
perdix 31
Nah, most Americans think the earth woman was asking for it ;)
Kog_Hiro 17
No... Wait.... Thats kinda a trick question.
DanielleinDC 34
11-I'd say yes. As for the OP, that doesn't sound much crazier than the talking snake and all the other bible myths. Or any other mythology. Is Athena springing from Zeus's head crazier than, say, Jesus born of a virgin mother? 62-def appreciated the Blink 182 reference as well.