Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
No joke
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML
Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML
Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML
Pleased to meet y'all
Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from our date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML
Strange flex, but OK
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
Nice try
Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML
Top comments
HeroOfWar 0
For the win!
spitfire35 3
@31 Trying to prove the existence of Jesus with the Bible is the same as trying to prove the existence of orcs using the Lord of the Rings books.
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Comments (87)
HeroOfWar 0
For the win!
DumbStruck79 0
LOL @ fact, are you 2020 years old?
enlitenbank 0
Yes, fact. We know ******* details about egyptians that are 4000 year old. Like Mohammad, he did very much exist as nobody can debate as there are so much detail and sources for oposite sides. However! He did not talk to ******* angels.
enlitenbank 0
Yes, fact. We know ******* details about egyptians that are 4000 year old. Like Mohammad, he did very much exist as nobody can debate as there are so much detail and sources for oposite sides. However! He did not talk to ******* angels.
padlarf 14
@40 This. There are no facts in history, or any science for that matter, save maybe mathematics. Probability is the keyword
ElMundio87 0
no, they are facts
BlueJeans2626 0
wth... Jesus did exist.
jpest17 5
well if u get her pants off that's when she's not a religous girl.
rjrudman 0
@DumbStruck79 so you don't believe in dinosaurs because you didn't actually see them?
rjrudman 0
#103 stop being a pretentious prick. Things with negligible probabilty of non-occurance can be safely considered facts.
White667 0
What I find hilarious in this argument is have either of you actually seen the information? Anyone looked into whether Jesus existed either way or are you simply quoting other people you've heard? Obviously not, or you wouldn't pointed us to a link proving Jesus was an actual real dude. I'm not taking a side either way, but it would be nice if people started researching either way. Jesus; as in the son of God, didn't exist. But Jesus; as in some guy who lived back then and made waves, who the **** cares if he exists? It's the equivalent to some guy throwing rocks at the white house, OK he exists but we're not going to call him the son of God.
coolsteve 0
First
greenltrn2003 0
^dude...nice @OP: FYL because she didnt say hitler...who should be EVERYBODYS response to that question
null_fml 11
Okay, okay, I'll bite... why do you think everyone should want to meet Hitler?
div01 2
so we can kick him in the balls. and laugh at his lil moustache. no?
1337_RoXxXor 4
As a matter of fact, Hitler only had one of his Balls, therefore you could only kick him in the ball.
Aha09 1
Hmmm...could we just shoot Hitler in his ball? Shame he only had one...
jpest17 5
hitler wasent real * snicker* if I was in Europe I would be in jail for denieing the holocost.
Pigganon 0
That was a pretty cool mustache when Charlie Chaplin wore it. Then Adolph had to come around with his "Heil Me"s, and his "I'm not fond of Jews", and who could forget that one time when he just ate a baby? He brought shame and stigma to that mustache. Now if I ever get that mustache, I shall face dirty looks in the street and possible discrimination. At least the skinheads would like me. Wait... That's actually not good. Either way, my point stands.
d101_fml 0
You win at life.
Razornick 0
A natural response, but FYI he did excist.
tardtasticx 0
Proof?
Awnonymous 4
THE BIBLE SAID SO
null_fml 11
Some book some dude wrote said he existed. After all, "some book some dude wrote" is pretty much the basis of all history that we take for granted as being true, anyway.
catriona_cd 0
real proof?
enlitenbank 0
But the mentioning of Jesus is not only from the bible. Don't sleep at history class, "student".
iPirate 0
Some people didn't just have books written about them 70 years after their death, but had people write about them during their life, and had statues to them too.
null_fml 11
Different books, same point. None of us witnessed Jesus just as none of us witnessed Lincoln's inauguration. Our basis of history is on the words of people who came before us. It is just as subject to their interpretation, perception, and bias.
mps1969 8
Did you speak in tongues and dance with serpents ?
nadsm 0
#168, you don't need to speak in tongues or dance with serpents to feel Jesus. Plus, "dancing with serpents" isn't a Christian ritual or anything. It's actually from Northern Africa and India, and is a cultural thing over a religious thing. You have the internet, you can look that up. Stop being so rude, just because you haven't experienced or felt Jesus doesn't mean He isn't there and can't communicate with us.
pongmaster 0
You religious types are funny. Maybe you should check out evolution!
Darkon 0
@174 Just because you feel Jesus doesn't mean he exists. For all we know you could have undiagnosed schizophrenia that allows you to "feel and communicate with Jesus".
nadsm 0
@184- How so? And actually, I know about evolution, thank you very much, and not just from what they teach you about frogs when you're in the fifth grade, either. I try to not disregard something unless I find fault in it, and so far I have yet to find fault in my faith. If you would like to try to show me where there is fault, be my guest, I'll listen.
ellness 0
@187 just because you feel love doesn't mean it exists. that doesn't mean that love isn't real. everyone believes in love right? and it's not something we can see. same thing with Jesus but not everyone believes in him.
spitfire35 3
@31 Trying to prove the existence of Jesus with the Bible is the same as trying to prove the existence of orcs using the Lord of the Rings books.
nadsm 0
@208: "Critical error in your argument there—we know that love is real, because it is caused by hormones in the brain (dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin)." Brain scans of people who believe in God have found further evidence that religion involves neurological regions vital for social intelligence, strengthening said regions. Also, the neurotransmitter serotonin affects the parts of the brain that relate to emotions and perceptions, and your body creates its own natural serotonin when "experiencing/feeling Jesus" for lack of a better phrase. Also, love isn't "caused" by those chemicals, those chemicals come as a side effect. Critical error in your argument there.
jpest17 5
no we don't dance with serpants idiot
jpest17 5
evolution could not have occured without god, the odds are aganst chance, technicaly we shouldn't even exhist..
rjrudman 0
#214, you sure have a way of twisting the truth to fit your needs. I won't even start on your statement that theists are more intelligent than atheists, as that's total bullshit. Secondly, love IS a chemical reaction, chemicals aren't the result of love. If ther were, what causes love? Don't give me some supernatural response, anything and everything can be determined by scientific explanation.
nadsm 0
firstly, that wasn't me who said that "theists are more intelligent than atheists", so thank you. also, you're on the internet, USE IT. there are plenty of brain scans, tests, etc that have been studied, i'm not fabricating that.
mps1969 8
WOW "Idiot" Nice I think those are the exact kind of words Jesus would've used in the bible . You next to check yourself son before you prove us right .
mps1969 8
#178 you assume too much plus my sarcasm doesn't translate on the internet to well . But your love really does show so well with the venom you spew you sure you don't handle serpents ?
ibanezrick 0
@223- Careful. "...anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matthew 5:22
rjrudman 0
No, but you implied it. And those results can be interpreted in a variety of ways. Does religion heighten one's social aspect of the brain, or does an increased social aspect of the brain mean that person needs to find something, anything, to fill that 'social void'?
Thatguywhotrolls 0
Actually, 198, it is an interesting fact that the hormones that cause us to feel love, and all other emotions, can actually be detected, measured, seen and recorded. You can do none of these things with the presence of Jesus or jesuses love.
rjrudman 0
Matthew is a douche, that's why. God doesn't take that little pussy seriously anyway.
fireandice27 0
I'm a committed and devout Catholic. I believe in God and Jesus and the whole deal (and evolution too... I believe that God directed evolution as Adam and Eve were Hebrew poetic myth). BUT I don't feel I need to prove my faith and my beliefs to you or any who would seek to deny the truth. I believe in God, and it would be nice if people would respect that and not try to tear my religion down because it challenges them to love one another and be kind, because unfortunately it seems to be too much to ask of them. You may not believe in God, but it's no reason to argue with other people and bring them down to make yourself feel better. I have faith and I have hope, and I am challenged daily to help others - and I'm happy with that.
Zimonada 8
@198 Love isn't a person. If you're schizophrenic, you wouldn't talk to "love". It's a feeling. However, schizophrenics would believe Jesus to be a person (possibly).
nadsm 0
#246: False. Unless you can prove this, don't say it so factually. There have been studies that prove you wrong.
mubaki 18
I wish this was on facebook so I could like it
alesi_fml 0
lol me too
iEmily 0
That was pretty uncalled for...
JohnLovesFMLs 0
It is probable that at some point in time, a man named Jesus lived, and was indeed crucified. The problem I have is with the preaching of creationism, with is extremely far fetched.
Shokz992 0
I'm with you on this xD Woulda said exactly the same thing...
Okie7123 0
You probably saved yourself for the bullshit that would come down the road since you clearly have conflicting ideologies
SirJamie77 7
Ahaha nice one OP. I agree with 5#. Oh man I can predict a religous debeat is gonna come in a few hours because of this.
SirJamie77 7
Debate* sorry
trevolution11 0
oh, I just read it as a Jamaican saying debate. I slappa da beas. debeat
brittany1013 0
hahahaha I love you man.
TONYMFSTARK 0
holy crap, that was the best movie ever.