Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got in trouble with my doctor for eating too soon after surgery. Why was I eating? Because the nurses brought me food, which apparently I should've known not to eat. FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Today, I took my friend to the emergency room because he was having heart problems. The doctors recognized him, and one of them had something to say: "Charles, can you not wait until you're practically dying to seek medical treatment?" This is gonna be a long day. FML
Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML
Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
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Top comments
thundergirl_fml 2
I'd be more concerned about his trembling hands considering you're having heart surgery...
torio123 27
#70, yes. You're the only one.
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Comments (156)
turtlechef 2
Does no one realize this is in a hospital that has cleaner floors than anything it's not that bad
iilovecokee 6
Consent is always yours to take back. Just because you're already there doesn't mean you have to go through with it. I hope you have an easy and quick recovery.
MedicsWife 0
I find this hard to believe. I've worked with a lot of heart surgeons over the past 28 years & they all think they're God. They act like it, too. But what they DON'T act like is the bumbling fool you described, especially in front of a patient.
noisebox 1
Sounds like he should been a cop. Good luck to you...
dogpup4 23
Urgh, disgusting. Why would you eat something you just dropped on the floor?
MissCuteStack 12
Okkkay i would jus like to ask... butt how come if you are having heart sugery TODAY ... you are writing on fml ... they let yhu out dat fast ?? orr you have nothing betta to do ??
Davick 0
cancel fly to Houston TX best medical in the world. you don't **** around with your heart.
MrWoppit 0
I would walk out...
1two3four5six 23
as soon as it touches the floor, in that first millisecond, its coated in bacteria. 5 second rule my ass
sceaniebeanie 1
I'd be worried that he can't even stay steady.