Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML
Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML
Today, I'm babysitting kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4 a.m. and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, who had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML
Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML
Today, I called my usual babysitter, one of the few people who can handle my difficult kids, to ask her to watch them for a night next week. She refused. It turns out my wife has been repeatedly underpaying her and she's fed up with it. So long date nights, I guess. FML
Today, I asked my landlord if I could get a dog. He said no, and gave me an illegal rent increase. FML
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML
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Top comments
TheIllusion 0
Just be glad it was a blanket and NOT your leg.
EvilDoll 7
how did you decide that the best way to silence a dog was to let him hump something?
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Comments (167)
IGotNippleRings 4
Maybe you shouldn't wait for a raise, find a new place to be a nanny at.
durries369 0
nice pic u fag
Kenya72083 0
own a bb gun? nuff said!
inkblotdrummer 6
I think the real FML is the first two words. and no, "today" does not count
pink_raindrops 26
"I'm a"? I'm sorry, but I'm just not seeing the Fml there.
CallMeHush 1
Give the pup a Reach-Around!
Moniquepeeters 0
The dog doesn't respect you, that's wrong, because it might bite you when you do something it doesn't like. You don't have to hurt it to gain its respect, but once you have it, it will be nice to you :)
trainheartnet 1
That's hot you should have let him hump you
ringogrey 4
that is hot
iwuvwoo 7
well can you blame the poor dog?
somewizdom 15
So you indirectly jerked the dog off. That's inapropriate
berryblue 0
i would give you one