Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML
Today, I finally got round to cleaning out my refrigerator. As I reached the back, I found an unidentifiable, moldy object lurking in the corner. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was once a cucumber. I'm growing science experiments in my fridge. FML
Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML
Today, I found a mysterious container in the back of my fridge. I opened it to try and figure out what it was. I still don't know what it was, but now my entire flat smells like it. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML
Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML
Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML
Today, I cleaned out my filthy car. I found an odd, unlabeled tin under the seat, and opened it out of curiosity. It sprayed stinking juice everywhere and filled the house with a horrifying smell. It was Surströmming, half rotten fish, that someone must have stuck in as a prank. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
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Top comments
LostInTheZone11 29
On the plus side your wording is top notch.
LyricaSilvan 30
That sounds terrible, but I laughed pretty hard at the term "fruit cheese." I wish you luck getting it cleaned up. You definitely don't want that smell sticking around.
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Comments (31)
brenton490 19
I hear that's a good way to keep the in laws at bay.
BDanzeisen 20
How long was it sitting in your home?
Nickimariek 20
We once had a watermelon explode without knowing it on our kitchen counter... kept wondering why our kitchen smelled like Elephant Ears (funnel cakes)
thatweirdasian 22
I don't think Elephant Ears smell bad lol, but hey, you tried with the description. :)
Samsparkles 3
The writing sounds like a person in complete disstress. And I don't blame you OP, I would be too!
Steephx0 23
TIL watermelons that go bad explode... Thanks OP for helping me avoid future alien births.
AceGthebest 16
Didn't even know watermelons could go bad
wow2mylife 25
go get a professional cleaner it will attract so many creatures
Lisy0303 12
How do you know how aliens give birth?
LostInTheZone11 29
Uh Science Fiction movies?
tragik313 3
cabinets. I don't have a joke. but the word is cabinets. and bleach. just pour it down in there and leave for a day or two.
chinaski7628 32
Cabinet, in the sense of a closet or cupboard, is a mainly North American term. In the UK and many other English speaking countries, they're usually called cupboards (and sometimes closets). Since OP is in Belgium, I think we can allow for the use of the term closet (and I could be wrong, but I believe that in French, the word for closet and cabinet/cupboard is the same—or has a slight variation. Belgium is a French speaking country).
TacoTheDank 27
ew, I've smelled rotten watermelon before and it's so gross. I'm so sorry for you. FYL, OP