Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as The Abominable Snowman. FML
Today, I overheard my girlfriend talking to her friends, saying the most attractive guys are tall and dark-skinned. I'm about average height and pale. Uh-oh. FML
Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML
Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML
Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML
Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML
Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML
Today, I realized that I’m undateable because of my weight. I’m 33. My entire life, I’ve always been dated in secret, guys went out with me to make fun of me behind my back, always got cheated on, always get friendzoned, etc. It’s not fair that I have to change my body type to get my chance at happily ever after. FML
Today, I walked into work and overheard three of my female coworkers talking and laughing about how ugly my face is, and how they’re sorry for whoever has to marry me. They went on to name the coworkers they actually would sleep with. I’m 25 and I've still never had a girlfriend. Thanks for the self-esteem boost. FML
Today, now that I've lost a significant amount of weight, all the guys that turned me down saying they “liked me as just a friend” all of a sudden are in my DMs saying, “Hey beautiful” and asking me out on a date. Nice to know I’m only liked for my body. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 35
Just to clarify, what exactly do they mean by "tiny"? Because this could go one of two ways.
Burkiie45 10
Well if it makes you feel any better people say I look like Lord Farquaad from Shrek
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Comments (55)
writerchic85 26
As long as he's a Doc who makes you Happy, don't let them make you Grumpy. You're obviously not Bashful about what you like. Your friends are Dopey and this whole Fml is getting me Sleepy. Sneezy is also a dwarf.
emanbikerz 14
Short people are the best though! So you're good. Just try not to hook up with 7 short dudes, otherwise your friends will really be able to tease you.
flyingflies 36
Why are shorter people better than others? Your "encouraging" comment makes no sense.
annalily5 28
Hey, everyone has a type. If you're having fun keep doing you. Just remember to be safe!
tamesenicole 27
This doesn't make sense honestly
tamesenicole 27
Wait never mind
Yudith_fml 11
Instead of "tiny dude" the original version said "midgets", but of course it's more fun with an added double entendre.
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
Hopefully not 7 at a time!
ctseth 3
do you carry a phone book with you? lol
Sengelbrekt 9
hopefully not seven at the same time ....