Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML
Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
Today, I got home after a spending a week recovery from surgery. My neighbour had been feeding my cat whilst I was away. Exhausted, I went straight to my bedroom where I soon discovered that my cat had shat on my pillows, duvet, and pyjamas. FML
Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
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Top comments
Haelous 0
I think you're suffering from a lack of creativity. Even the floor works just fine. ;)
Superman8_fml 0
the couch, the car, the floor, the garage, the back porch, the front porch...all acceptable. figure it out
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Comments (48)
Regenbogen 0
dirty sex.
samtime 0
Tell it cat it's a RUINER!
Shyman4ever 0
You know there are other places then the bed to have sex. Guys don't care where it is.
Rachalynia 0
Well at least you noticed before he got there.
Andyangels27 0
today I was chillin at my favorite place. the bed. when this ogre ***** told me to move so she could bring this random man **** over and get her rocks off. i got so pissed I made my self sick and vomited all over the bed haha bitch
Im_cursed 0
your cat did you a favor.. who knows when is the last time you cleaned your 1 set of linens and obviously your putting out like a ***** so they must smell like ass juice.. lucky for him as well since no he has less chance of contracting the coochiecocktitous that was infested in your linens.
teotsi 28
Ass juice? That's got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever read in a comment section.
im_da_man 5
whats "en route?"
Anteezy 7
In the shower.
tobyraza 0
The cat's out of the bag. Puking on some chicks bed.
dannyxdan 0
(: