Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML
Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML
Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
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Top comments
Beepbeep7 14
Wow your mother has issues.
Gearden 8
I think his mom is a bit ovary protective.
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Comments (130)
juststephhere 23
That's a whole new level of motherly love!
KawaiiCupcake 14
Sounds like my your mom choose to breastfeed you. Lol that explains the FML!
greeneyebeauty9 28
Momma just doesn't want to let her baby boy go.
perdix 31
"Yeah, but these are the ones he's titty-******* now!"
gracehi 33
Reverse Oedipus complex?
domking1315 20
I dont think so.
chocolatefrog28 29
Well, now that the awkward part of the usual introductions are over with...
User57777 13
How did your girlfriend react to that?
tyrekplummer 6
bresastises gots the bestises milk
Welshite 40
Can someone translate please?
DWordHead16 19
#24: I think you said "breasts got the best milk" haha but wtf does that even have to do with the FML? I feel like you've been waiting for an FML to mention breasts so you could say that. I keep saying it in my head now for god knows what reason. Lol I should now have "pointless comment of the year" reward.
Infamous_Tora 12
#24, go home. You are drunk.
Silvinomiae 20
Is this the discussion thread on the subject true milk contra Soy milk? I would then like to ad my vote on cow-breast milk.
Enslaved 38
Q: Why did God give women nipples? A: To make suckers out of men.
Bradley_Dillon 39
Why not?
richiedbond 16
So he could laugh at men trying to suck on their own nipples. Btw either your picture is tilted 90 degrees to the right or I've had 1 to many beers.
Enslaved 38
Wait! Who says God is a "He"? :P
Silvinomiae 20
I did. I said so. And #62, obviously. #62 said so too. But then again, #62 is apparently drunk and drunk humans tend to confuse genders once in a while.
iisisaac 9
sad but true