Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML
Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML
Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML
Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML
Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML
Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML
Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
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Top comments
AnnyPants 0
haha, wouldnt you proof-read your resume before you went out? maybe you will in future
TwilghtLuvr13 0
Please learn to, use commas correctly
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Comments (74)
erinashleeburns 0
dude your an @$$
Fuzzynavel 10
Douche bag is an American insult. I live in Victoria and i've never heard anyone use it. Either you're American, your bro watches too much tv or this is a load of shit. I'm callin fake. I'm so cool i can wear sunglasses at night.
sophiexo 0
i live in australia and hear douche bag ALL the time. i hate that word.
Honda288 2
Wow does he know what he just did??? Go kick that dumbfucks ass!1
urlifeisfucked_fml 0
You're an idiot. When you're looking for a job the more resumes you send out, the more likely you are to get a job. Don't comment on stuff you know nothing about.
GreenHacker 0
lol, that is hilarious. In college I changed the autocorrect settings on my roommate's computer so every time he typed his name, it would automatically change it to JackOff McGee. YDI for not double-checking your resume before handing it out. If I were looking to hire someone, I would not give you the job. If you make an oversight like this before I even hire you, what will you be like after I hire you?
StanVanGundy 0
Also, I'm not sure how many recruiters are looking for resumes in paragraph format. Short and sweet seems to be the way to go.
Cozzies 0
If you happened to hand your resume in at one or more of: Kotex Tampax Pink Hygiene Libra Kendall Nanma Mfg Co TidyBio Narang Medical Apothecaries Sundries Mfg Co Gem Optical Instruments Industries Lifeline Systems Pvt. Ltd GPC Medical Ltd.(Hospital and Medical Equipment Division) Avishkar International Private Limited Dream Zinks Jaison Rubber Industries Ved Sons Industries India Vallabhji Bhikha & Company Tian Wang Technology OR Rand Research Then being a massive douche bag will put you head and shoulders above all the other applicants, in which case this is not an FML, but rather a Win!
GreenHacker 0
So maybe print out another copy of that resume and apply for the Tampax Corporation?
Djoooiz 0
Your brother is awesome!
AnnoyingFlamingo 0
Well hopefully one of thaw businesses was a telemarketer firm. They are giant douche bags. If there is no luck, see if any female employees need a new gyno.
simone_babezz 0
YOUR BROTHER IS BLOODY AWESOME.....lols thnx to him i got a great revenge plan on my frend >:] lol