Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, having been on hold on the phone for several minutes, I felt the need to release a fart. Just as I started my release, they picked up. They definitely heard. FML
Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
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Top comments
Naitras 15
Why bother? It's apparent they don't care about it
tsume24 3
if I were you I'd be trying to make mine louder than theirs.
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Comments (89)
miserypoison 13
How's this a FML..
perdix 31
Have you ever tried to stifle a fart? Clamping your anal sphincter can cause painful rectal spasms, plus the fart bubbles that escape into your bloodstream make you puffy and look like shit. Also, living in a place where the walls, floors and ceilings are so thin that every bodily noise is audible is a rather undesirable condition.
ZielZone 4
Who really cares?? Are you really THAT MUCH of a wuss that you can't fart in your own apartment for fear of someone else ??
SirBedevere 0
Use farts as a form of communication between apartments.
CiaranPM 0
Should have just let it rip.
pixelebrate 0
Like they say in that TV show...Let it rip! (I can't remember it though)
mgsoloist 14
Beyblades.
pixelebrate 0
Yes thank you my dear friend.
Opium_Production 5
Your neighbors are sending you messages. Learn morse code.
ArthursLifeSucks 2
toot toot toot toot, toot, toot toooooooot toot toot, toot tooooooooot toot toot, tooooooooot toooooooot tooooooot. (That's "hello" in ass-morse)
leadman1989 16
"Live free ass free ass the WIND blows, ass free ass the grASS grows."
blackvyper 8
Wherever you may be let your wind blow free for that's what killed my granny.
Rabidkid 14
Spread your cheeks apart?
Sabraynay 10
Neighborly bonding. :)