Today, I had to stay late at work. My husband made me take a video of myself punching out, to prove I wasn't cheating on him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Today, I came home upset about the sexism in my work place. I just wanted to be alone, but my husband insisted we talk about it. I noticed he kept looking over and one of his hands was moving. He was playing video games the entire time I was spilling my guts. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm and got fired for being late for work. My husband had changed my alarm to go off at 8:00PM instead of 8:00AM all because apparently, I was suspected of “conspiracy to cheat” by liking a male friend’s selfie on Instagram. FML
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
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Top comments
brocode86 0
does he have reason to believe you are cheating?
perdix 31
He's just stalling so he can get rid of his girlfriend before you get home. It's usually guilty people who are the most suspicious of their spouses.
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Comments (139)
JordanMelissa 0
I don't get why you put this. That doesn't mean your life is f-ed it just means you need to talk about it with him in my opinion
lizard399 0
Um yeah, not a lot of posts are examples of someone's life literally getting ****** over. There's a way to solve or avoid the said situation but it's entertaining to read about. So it's here. Don't you think that would be obvious? Your comment is ridiculous, sadly it's not the only one of it's nature either.
Bourne_ 5
Calm down its the Internet for crying out loud
JordanMelissa 0
I was just saying my opinion, bro.
TheNewGuy03 29
I literally **** people's lives. With my dick. |the kid|
minniemouse61 0
Creep ^^^
Okayitwasme 0
There must be a reason why he did that!
KiddNYC1O 22
Because he's a potential insecure control freak.
lajaynay 15
Well damn. That is ridiculous. If you have never done something to imply that you've cheated then fyl. He seems very insecure with himself to worry about such a thing.
disturbedrox11 17
Well damn. That's ridiculous how many times you posted that comment.
lajaynay 15
Well damn. That is ridiculous. If you have never done something to imply that you've cheated then fyl. He seems very insecure with himself to worry about such a thing.
lajaynay 15
Well damn. That is ridiculous. If you have never done something to imply that you've cheated then fyl. He seems very insecure with himself to worry about such a thing.
sillytiger91 9
punching out??
SilentTreatment 7
That means putting your start and finish times on your time card for work so you can get paid for the hours you worked. Also known as "punching out".
HomeAl0ne 20
I was heading for Urban Dictionary, thinking it was slang for some sexual act that had escaped my keen gaze. Then I re-read the FML and lost my boner.
Commander223 9
Yeah I know, for some reason I thought of beating the squirrel before work. Damn. I need a life
KiddNYC1O 22
Or, clocking out.
MwahFMLS 6
Sounds like my mom. Sorry, OP.
OCDC 9
Your mom thinks you're cheating on her too?
KiddNYC1O 22
Ahaha.
danbo659 0
usually the person who clams the other is cheating is actually the one cheating. so be careful
Mourningstar 4
He can't "make" you, you choose to enable him, cut that shit out now if you don't want to have to do it the entire time you're together. My ex wife was the same way, good luck!
shadevil75 6
I said the exact same thing! Her husband didn't make her do it, she chose to give in and bend to her husband's will. Pathetic.
iPaulSmithJr 0
Thats cause you are cheating... Call u 2night baby