Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML
Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML
Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML
Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML
Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML
Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. Some kids started fighting and screaming at each other, so I leaned next to her and said, "Man, am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML
Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was acting up, so instead of spanking him, I put him in the corner for timeout. He screamed and thrashed and kicked the walls so hard my neighbors called the police. My sister wasn’t answering her phone, and I had to explain why a 7-year-old was acting like that. FML
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
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Top comments
KusanagiStyle 3
Why is everyone so serious? Fact, the boy that pissed on the couch has autism. OP wasn't like FUKKEN AUTISTIC SHIT PISSED ON THE COUCH, AUTISTIC PISS EATS THROUGH MAI GUCCI BAG! FML! Why are we reading into it like that? If anything OP is pissed at the kids without autism who aren't socially crippled. Why? Because they WERE fully capable of saying that to OP BEFORE they sat down on the couch. Or even the parents. I'm sure they knew but choose to say nothing. Out of sight, out of mind. I understand people have members in their family who have handicaps (MY OWN SISTER thank you) but not every thing said about some one with a handicap needs to be a fight, good lord!
sadistmonkey 19
Yes it does make a difference. If they didn't include the autistic part, I'm sure there would be tons of commenters going "wtf is wrong with that kid? why would he piss on the couch?"
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Comments (82)
smexykero 0
maybe he's also artistic
lolbrick 0
Yeah, and he expresses his artistic talent by pissing all over the couch.
dre_bro11 12
It's called 'Abstract'
jpest17 5
I loled , screw you spell check!
The_Moustache 6
I lul'd.
NINJAPROTOTYPE10 0
wooo.... second.. not really that impressive... not even sure i got second
NINJAPROTOTYPE10 0
but yeah... that kind of sucks... not an overly bad fml
dre_bro11 12
I sorta agree here. Not like the parents would actually leave a piss soaked couch in their house. I'm sure it would be cleaned after they realise he's done another piss on it.
sourgirl101 29
You'd be surprised. I know parents who's kid still wets the bed. All they do is spray fabreeze on it and flip the mattress over for the next pee night. It's gross!
mesocrazy 2
that is gross. they need to invest in some appropriately sized diapers!
FarSide 23
Mother Fu*ker! That is more gross than a carbuncle on a cow's ass.
lexa1love 16
I agree that it isn't that bad. I work in assisted living and anytime someone has accidents we make sure to scrub the couch and clean it. But it still isn't the worst body fluid to have on your clothes in my opinion.
xStiina 0
Um.... They know well.
lolbrick 0
Um... They no well
DaTurdTickler 0
Um...They kno well
gooBUZZ 0
Um.... They know well.
hahafylop 4
Um... Them b*•¥hes know real Fu$&@ng well!
Jaykayfu 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI because I'm an asshole .
lolbrick 0
#6. i lol'd
MoldinRooster 0
Oh boo who
lolbrick 0
Oh! boo who?
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Boo you.
lolbrick 0
Boo me? Couldn't be!
mooshymuffin 4
then who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
marmlr339 14
childhood memory flashback! :-)
mfjkr 10
YEAAAAAAAHHHH.......Sorry stepped on a nail.
kelcrulezd00d 0
Did you really have to mention that he has autism? I dont understand why that bit of information was necessary.
lolbrick 0
#8 because it explains the occasional pissing ob the couch.
DjeePee 25
Tell me, why would that bit of information be unnecessary?
jessiebelle90 0
I agree, I dunno why he having autism had anything todo with it
TheZarola 10
#13, it's not necessary because it really doesn't make a difference if the child is Autistic. Pee is still pee. The OP makes it sound like because it's an Autistic child's pee, it's worse. OP, you should have expected something like that if you were babysitting. Kids do the darndest things.
sadistmonkey 19
Yes it does make a difference. If they didn't include the autistic part, I'm sure there would be tons of commenters going "wtf is wrong with that kid? why would he piss on the couch?"
hamstuffingsandw 0
its not just authistic kids who pee on couches, my brothers 11 and authistic and has been potty trained since he was 3 so i agree with #8 that bit wasnt necessary. just sayin.
brennan677 0
they included that piece of information because no one would know why some kid is pissing on the couch. its not saying all autistic kids are like that but this one is. do i need to explain anymore?
Trencher21 0
how so u idiot
samms 5
But some children have it very severe. Which would cause them to do things like pee on a couch, which could only be explained by the fact that they're autistic.
SharnaaaBanana 22
My brother was 7 years old with autism and constantly peed on the carpet in my lounge room
ItsAUnicorn 27
I am also autistic and can confirm that I have never urinated on/in any other objects but the toilet
DaTurdTickler 0
did you mush your face into it and try to soak any up before it evaporated?
lpgurl4life 0
Oh boo hoo
lolbrick 0
i find it ironic that "ipgurl" is saying this
Doortje 30
At least you know how to punish them next time. I bet now that you know they'll listen to you and behave themselves. Also, never sit on that couch again.