Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, out of a desire for revenge, I went over and confronted the girl my boyfriend cheated with. Somehow, we ended up in bed together. Worse, she's amazing. I'm now seriously considering asking if we can be a throuple. FML
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
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Top comments
kingkobrastrikes 13
two ******* at one time... you're a champ!
keithsbooty 20
You can call that a devil's threesome ...
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Comments (60)
StickyPickles 33
Pussy is pussy my friend
cakefete2 31
I'd like to amend that statement by adding a claws or two to clear up any misunderstandings.
cakefete2 31
"He decided my balls were a bag of catnip." Paws just a second. Would you say that the catnip-ped your sexy time in the bud?
danielhartlesss 13
I vote you king of the puns
gracehi 33
I second the motion.
tournamentdecide 33
It's official, cakefete2 is now the king of puns.
OnlyAvailableID 28
Its a meow-numentus occasion being rated king of the puns, isn't it?
royceda510 10
That pussy
gearhead369 20
Not the 2nd kitty you were looking for? Poor balls man!
Lucky4970 1
That's some funny shit.
ljrdz 7
pussy is pussy - Stifler
Attacksloth 33
LOL... We always lock our cat out. This morning she was meowing at the door and my wife was like "GO HARDER, SHE'S CHEERING US ON!" I lost it just because I pictured my cat with one of those foam one-finger hands and popcorn
voltroz 18
That was one funny mental pic I had in my head... Go *******, go *******, go *******... "And he takes a three-pointer..."
vikky538 29
hey at least your threesome has two ******* in it...
pjsr 33
Tell everyone you gave her an ultimatum, "Choose between my dick and your pussy!" then watch the wheels turn.
buckdharma 38
No, no! You don't put out for the cat. You put the cat out. Sufferin' succotash.