Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was a baby rabbit. FML
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Top comments
Icyghost17 10
I'm sure the raccoon felt the same way.
rikitsumiatsu 11
he was waiting for the perfect moment to get you
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Comments (101)
mario2012 18
I bet you puked on yourself to lol.
MrBubblez98 13
Too**
Abbeygale 8
Oooooh watch out, the grammar and spelling police are on patrol...
kimg0885 23
Didn't your mother ever tell you not to hold it in till the last minute?
stormchaser24 24
We get raccoons in our trash cans all the time. Just a perk of leaving in the country. Of course it is always on its side and open. How would a raccoon get into a closed trash can or get in there with out you noticing? FYL
AznSamoan52 10
I feel sorry for both Op and the raccoon. Op had an upset stomach and the raccoon certainly didn't see that coming. In the end, both Op and the raccoon were scared shitless. Op's was more literal though.
Axipiter 24
Catch it with a bear trap, then dispose of it humanely in a garbage disposal. That'll learn it.
sougstad 7
"Phillip, I think he crapped himself!"
ImmaB3AST 7
That sounds like a shi- (Gets shanked in the throat)
Ashley0911 8
Did you at least get the raccoon out of the house? That sucks op though.
hailezz349 5
You know holding your shit in isnt very healthy for your bowel movements 0.o
TheJester12 15
I bet you now wish you weren't wearing pants so you could have projectile shat all over that coon. Less dangerous than a shotgun . More of a ferocious statement . He's not coming back any time soon ;)