Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML
Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML
Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML
Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML
Today, after I spent quite some time getting thoughtful gifts for my friend and her kids ahead of their visit, she made a big fuss about how she'd "forgotten" to bring the gift she'd bought for me. Later, she casually admitted that she'd intentionally not bought me anything because she, "didn't think I'd need it." FML
Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML
Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML
Today, my wife asked me to wrap an empty box to put under the Christmas tree. She didn't want her vlog followers to think she didn't get me any gifts. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Get her a bible :)
ChampionKO 6
a hard *******????
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Comments (309)
ifeelya 5
Dumping her is her gift then.
dhardesty23 8
haha biggest piece of bull shit I've ever heard
smb12346 17
Tell her you aren't religious either then give her a list
unmistakablyamaz 4
well, since she's not religious, tell her you'll only buy her a Christmas present if she buys you an "x-mas present" or "holiday gift"... loopholes :)
TipOfTheHat 10
Get her the gift that keeps giving all year long, a one year membership to the jelly of the month club!
Iknoweverything 29
Last I checked, there isn't a requirement in the bible to give presents on Christmas. Therefore, her argument is invalid, and stupid.
Steve95401 49
A lump of coal in her stocking would be perfect.
mk58 31
Or just a yellow snowball.
leadman1989 16
Oh and she wants presents for everyother holiday she doesn't celebrate either... -_- I'm atheist and I LOVE christmas it's pegan anyway.
Permenio 4
*pagan
bizarre_ftw 22
Right!!!!! Thank You!!!! Someone with a head!!! All these religions piss me off! They're all self righteous stubborn plagiaristic idiotic 4yos with a killing complex!!!!
Levvy 22
Yeah. All religions sure are killing-obsessed. Like Jainism, whose original adherents were required to carefully sweep the paths they walked to ensure they did not even accidentally step on and kill insects. Or Quakers, sects of whom don't even use physical force in self-defense because they believe all violence is wrong. I'm depressed by many of my fellow atheists who think that not being religious means having an excuse not to learn about other cultures but getting to talk about them anyway.
EvilCupcake8361 9
I prefer mine cold, thank you very much :P
lightburns 10
By the way, I'm an atheist. Dump that bitch.