Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
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Comments (162)
comadank 0
ppl like that piss me off and yes i am a chriatian but really some ppl are so far from the world they wont watch tv or listen to the radio since it's agenst god or so they think if you can't understand other religons you have issues spend a moment in someone elses shoes and see how it is in there sheltered world they live in
AmpulexCompressa 0
**** her life because she's wasting it prostyletizing people for her false beliefs.
lawlkat 0
Let me reiterate what I said just above real fast... For all of you people who think religion is such a horrible brain washing tool should stop being such bigoted, intolerant hypocrites that you call them.
kandi_shop_xoxo 0
First off, to all of you who are talking crap on religious people, I would rather believe in something that gives me hope, than something that gives me no hope what-so-ever. Annnnnd, to the OP... this is just stupid. Who cares if some crazy lady said that to you? On my college campus we have crazy people like that all the time condemning everyone. Nobody cares. But I believe in God, and I don't care if any of you judge me for it. :)
kandi_shop_xoxo 0
Baruch atah Adonai eloheinu Melech haolam hamotzi lechem meen haaretz. (Blessed are you Oh! Lord our God, King of the universe who brings forth bread from the Earth) :o)
ohsnapelenaaa 0
Not FML worthy.
ShenziSixaxis 0
O_o Whoa... how strange.
xNatsuki 0
Should have said "Oh, you said bitch. So now you're going to my bitch when I'm down there being his bitch, bitch. "
DarkMirror 0
Not really FML worthy. Just go and watch The Mist. It gives hope that intolerant, fanatical nutjobs get what's coming to them in the end xD
FMLwrestler 0
aha ok im #37 for all you people just so you know, and ok ok maybe some people are retarded and hypocritical. I get that. Hell, even the atheists are being hypocritical. Everybody is at times! Even me sometimes. Soo whatever I commented to say that #155 ******* is the ******* MAN. haha thats awesome