Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Hypocrite much?
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML
Are you OK?
Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML
Take what you can get
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Bad time for jokes
Today, at the dentist, I was trying to make myself comfortable while he did his thing to my teeth. While my mouth was full of tools, he asked, “So how’s your day going so far?” My reply came out as, “Mrrgh purr blobby noff nay blobby blobby.” The dentist laughed and said, “I was kidding, you’re not supposed to talk right now.” FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
Foot meet mouth
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ugh. I was raised Christian, and always will be, but these kind of people are what gives Christians the names they have. Wouldn't it be great if there was a world where people could co-exist, and go about as they wish? I know many Athiests, Muslims, and even a few Buddhists. They're all nice people, I could care less about who they worship, or if they do at all. But then again, I've been excommunicated from my church, supposedly for these reasons. Oh well, who cares, I refuse to join a church that discriminates.
NoMercy_fml 0
LOL. I didn't know Satan had a manual.
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Comments (162)
teehee520 0
Well if God has the Bible, Satan might as well have Cosmo...
flippinsweet17 0
I like that lady. She seems cool. :] :]
NotNegativeNews 0
Why do I never meet any nutjobs like that?
myexsucks 0
I wish MY dentist had Cosmo.... Everyone at my dentist's office is religious, and all there is to chose from is Family Circle and stuff like that. :-/ Lucky.
Tubasaurus 0
Not an FML, but that sucks having to deal with religious wackos. If only they could keep their deluded opinions to themselves.
FMLwrestler 0
#164: Socialism and communism are similar in that they both focus on equality for the people. They both strive to eliminate private ownership, and believe that land, factories, and other economic resources should be government owned instead of privately owned. This theory of public ownership and centralized planning are the main similarities. Socialism and communism also have another aspect in common: Both require strong government control and high taxes to be effective, as well as (naturally) a giant increase on the number of laws, restrictions, and civil rights infringements on ordinary citizens. When utilitarianism and equality instead of individual rights are prioritized, "the little guy" is often hurt or forgotten. In both socialism and communism, people somewhat lose their sense of identity, which some people argue is the most important of all! Lastly, pure socialism and pure communism have another thing in common: They sound fine and dandy in theory, but in practice they are ineffective, exhausting, job-killing, innovation-squelching, often-brutal forms of government. They are bad ideas to ever have, both of them alike. But don't take my word for it- look at the Berlin Wall, where the people were machine gunned down like flies when they tried in horror to escape that which is communism. Or canada's socialist health care system. or britains 900,000 people long waiting lines. Oh, yeah- and pure communism and pure socialism both have only existed on paper. They are next to impossible to ever implement properly, because the people in government are naturally going to change laws to get themselves paid more than the average worker. Thus, it stops being socialist or communist, as there is disparities in the wages! This of course leads to the indignation and uprisings of the populace, followed by a violent and callous show of authoritarian power by the government workers, who want to stay as rich as they have just recently become. Thus, they are not both on opposite ends of the spectrum- they are both at the far left end of the spectrum. OR if you want to have a spectrum based entirely on good or bad, they both fall into the "bad" category. Thus, whatever your spectrum or value criterion may be, they unfailingly fall into the same category. ======================= Butttt I'm sure you already knew that!
st87 0
what a creepy witch. Poor thing.
mylifeisfuckedd 0
#23 who says she isn't one of those people? You seem like one of those people that come up with any excuse you can think of to call fake.
miscfan 0
#37 You say that like people can only exist one way or another. Like black and white without grey. My great aunt is extremely religious, the kind who wouldn't miss going to church for any reason, who has read the Bible a good 15 times in her life because she enjoys the word of God, so on and so forth... I have heard her say the word "bitch" before. In fact, I've heard my own pastor refer to certain types of people one day becoming the "bitches to Satan". And I've heard some supposedly really religious people "condemn" people to hell. You're being quite prejudiced in a way. People are human, and no one is perfect.