Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML
Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML
Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML
Today, I thought nobody was around so I meowed loud as fuck but actually there was some dude right behind me on a bike. Yeah, I know that's my fault, but… FML
Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML
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Top comments
plutosaplanet 0
i beeped at people as they pulled out of my condo complex almost hitting me. i dont care where you live, if you drive like an idiot im going to let you know.
music_girl23 0
"i honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled"... holy crap. calm down. maybe you should look into anger management programs... he's on a bike what do you expect.
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Comments (79)
thisbrokenpuzzle 0
I wouldn't feel bad; it's his fault for driving so poorly.
ebpowell 0
You're a dick. You deserved it. Rot in hell.
FoundManyLemons 0
You're a dick. YDI
Maverick5762 0
YDI for still having the paper delivered to you. Is there no internet access anywhere around?
roymustanglover 0
YDI. Cyclists have the right to ride safely, without being harassed by lazy people in their cars.
MissCharlotte_fml 26
That is true, but how long does it take for a cyclist to pull over for OP to pass? 15 seconds or less? While I think OP was being an asshole, and I hate people that scream at elderly people or cyclists, I think cyclyists need to be aware and mindful of cars too. I was trying to get to the hospital a few months ago because my sister was having a seizure in my car. The cyclist in front of me (on a one-way street with an empty sidewalk next to it) was taking his sweet ass time and had the audacity to stop, park his bike in front of my car, walk up to my car, and call me a bitchy ****. All while my sister was passed out in the passenger street. Then he threatened to sue me for threatening him with assault. All because I honked at him. So yes, while OP was a complete asshole, not all bikers deserve tbe right of way in certain circumstances.
hot_mess88 0
I'm from Denver, which is a VERY cyclist-friendly city. I understand your pain, OP. Being stuck behind a bike on a street with no passing room happened to me so frequently that whenever it happened, my best friend would tell me that I'd get 25 points if I hit the cyclist, and 30 bonus points if I took three out in a row. I'm not quite sure what game we were playing, but man, sometimes I really wanted those points...
redbluegreen 41
You'd hate Portland than. They've shut down freeways here before so we can "promote being green".
Amonynous 1
The game you are referring is actually from the movie Death Race 2000
Peroxide 3
Sounds like you need to put a bumper bar on the front of your car and play the bonus round.
nhaberma 0
you guys sound lazy Colorado is a great cycling area and u guys should go up he mountains than you'll see why we bike instead of sit in a cr all day
sososuckmytoe 1
So he was riding the bike 20 mph Under the speed limit? Just how fast do you think he can go? He must have forgot that the world revolves around you. The great part will be when he realizes where you live. maybe you will get that awesome payback you so deserve. I live in Boulder, I do not ride a bike, but I do not think those who do should have their life in danger from jerks like you who can't give it 10 seconds and let it clear up to pass. Dick.
saranottelling 7
I'm guessing the OP is the same guy who ran down a biker making hand signals because he thought the biker wanted a high five. OP, you totally deserved it. I would have understood honking, but cursing and screaming? The biker can't go as fast as a car and in most places it's illegal to ride a bike on the sidewalk. Maybe you should consider anger mangement class if you get that angry over nothing. (Unless you had somewhere important to be.)
justanotherbird 19
The post doesn't say that the biker was riding in the middle of the lane, which is what some people seem to be assuming. The bike may well have been riding to the side, but if the lane were smaller the OP may have had to wait a few seconds before they could safely pass. Many of the streets in my area are like this, so whether the biker is to the side or not we still have to move a bit into another lane while passing. The OP sounds like an enraged idiot anyway, so I could see this scenario happening as well.
cyberhoy 3
i remember that part and assumed that they were talking about motorbikes and I'm like "Yeah it makes sence that they have equal rights on roads as cars" a few years later i found out they meant bicycles
Jeffx2 0
Cyclist should have allowed you to pass as soon as it was possible, but don't be such an add.