Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I’m 9 months pregnant. I was in a grocery store when this little hellspawn came tearing ass down the aisle right at me. I instinctively turned to the side to protect my belly, while the brat crashed into my hip and fell backward. His cunt of a mother cussed me out for knocking down her “baby”. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML
Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML
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Top comments
kaitieloo 22
Ultimate douchebag.
transcedental 18
This is the first time I actually say 'Fuuuck' while reading an FML, and I've been around here for years. This is too brutal for a pregnant lady, he should've taken care of you. Sorry, OP, I hope you're alright.
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Comments (218)
caligirllife 11
Hope you and the baby are okay
Mmresd 5
That's funny, I couldn't stop laughing!
vandeele 8
Wow. Your fiance is a dickdouche
missyamaha 11
your fiance sounds like a real catch! not! what a fukn asshole!!
sthrnbell 9
Grounds for a divorce..what a douchbag.
sugarbear0727 19
Damn, what an ass. :/ I'm sorry for you. My bf would block his dog when she tried to jump on me.
dirtydiana57 3
And you chose to have a kid with him.
SergeantSnuggles 12
This is the "Oh shit" FML of the month
thapora 8
Wow! And ur having a baby with him and planning on marrying him?? Questionable choices op
pfft123 14
I hope you and the baby are alright. What an ass >:(