Chair club

Today, my freshman students got in a fist fight over a chair. FML

Ultraviolence

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

Friendly fire

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

He started it, sorry

Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

Today, I fell off my chair, then missed it completely trying to sit back down. FML

Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

Domino effect

Today, I laughed at a coworker for breaking a chair during a meeting. Ten minutes later, I sat in another chair, and it snapped under me. My coworker just whispered, "Karma, bitch." FML

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML