Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML
Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh, apparently. FML
Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
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Top comments
iHyuMeng 0
He tried to scare the bad stuff out of you all at once , but then again FYL.
hyefedyee 0
If I were u I'd start thinking about how to get him back maybe u can literally scare the shit out of him :p
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Comments (127)
katherinebby17 28
lmao
ey3seecold 0
u mean scare the liquid out of you that's why they call it diahrea and not shit..
srunano 4
^^ lmao this...op your fml made me laugh..Better change them sheets
bebz_fml 0
#16 get over ittt. op i feel sorry for you ! :(
ImaginaryFoe 1
Or better yet, make your dad change the sheets.
JohnyF 0
YDI for being scared so easly
saywaturcoco 0
lmao..today is the first day back to school after the spring breaks so I'm realy upset nd now u just made my day!
Prototype12 0
Today, I tryed to scare my son when suddently shit flies in the air and lands on my face. FML
Tikwichka 5
OP is female.
burgerking83 0
pics or it didn't happen
purplecowchik 5
#16 you dumbass diarrhea is still shit
DenisTheMenace 13
mudkipz :3
st0n333d 0
damn first the dog and now the daughter?! no one is safe it appears...
tomahawkinyouall 0
HOW IS THIS A FML?!? I BET ONCE IT WAS ALL OUT IT WAS SUCH A RELIEF!!
tehamericanboy94 0
LOL I wish I could scare the shit out of people.
ReyEr9412 0
is it just me or is 43's spring break really early?
ashlynn610 12
Ikr mines not for another week!!! RIP Mariano!! ):
Gimmedat 0
I just threw up the yogurt I was eating Damn, FML.
Dwight_A_R_Manag 0
Girls don't poop. Stop all the lies!!!•••
Frank155 5
#50 = WIN
u_killed_kenny_ 0
looks like you just shit ur bed.
Emofluffinzhehe 0
LAWL =^~,~^=
zrach 0
this fml is familiar
megissocool 0
ohh man haha that sucks. hope he didn't know u had diarrea, cause if he did, well, that's a parenting fail
brynnisawesome 0
that's a good idea
iHyuMeng 0
He tried to scare the bad stuff out of you all at once , but then again FYL.
Randomassdude 0
hah Pwned! (: I would never have mentioned it but sure put it on a website for everyone to see lol
hyefedyee 0
If I were u I'd start thinking about how to get him back maybe u can literally scare the shit out of him :p
philematology 0
I know how you feel x(
jgill87 0
snickerdoodles is a l0s3r.
bustyboi 0
agreed. nobody likes her
perdix 31
I do. She likes penis butter and I'd like to be her supplier.
Tikwichka 5
Actually, I find her comments rather refreshing. Intelligence and humour will get you far in life, why don't you try it?
tomahawkinyouall 0
! haZ sum AW3suM Grammer dergg wh0 R3@LLY g!v3 a SHYT?
ktbird 0
@67 I agree that butchered posts are annoying, but she takes it too far. The OP is hardly butchered. If you can't read it, you're the retarded one. Some of the smartest people I know have the worst grammar and spelling I've ever seen for an adult. So what if you misspell a word or two. It's not like we're grading an English term paper. You know who else had horrible spelling and grammar? Einstein and Beethoven. It's a nice skill to have but not having it doesn't automatically make you an idiot.
amymarie13 0
some of us are very intelligent such as being top of our class at a major big ten catholic university but we don't feel the need to correct every single post someone has.
BeatMaster_91 0
If you are at a catholic university, you aren't intelligent.
spartan_girl 0
@75- do catholic universities have their own Big Ten? or are you in a different country? because the Big Ten conference in the US (recognized by the NCAA) doesn't have any catholic schools, and I personally wasn't aware of any other group of schools calling itself the "big ten". I'm not trying to call you a liar or anything, I'm just curious what you mean by "big ten catholic university". maybe you just mean top ten?
bluesclues72 0
snickerdoodles is chill. I like her so the rest of you can **** off. :D
Max_Androse 0
Lmao @ 75.. Way to show your intelligence with piss-poor grammar that streams on into some sort of "sentence-paragraph". Top of your class? in "Pediatric Male Anatomy", perhaps? Obviously not English, pederast.
amymarie13 0
meant to say top ten. I go to depaul university in Chicago. and just because it's catholic doesn't mean I am or that I'm learning any religion at all, it's simply a great school.
amymarie13 0
105 you're hilarious. i work my ass off in school and I don't feel the need to use full sentences in a stupid app. if I were writing a research paper then of course, my grammar would be perfect but this IS just an app correct? also I'm majoring in forensic psychology with a minor in Spanish...you're wrong again
l248xt 14
I have to say, just reading the comments on this is fun.
kBzee 3
Aww that sux...feel better soon :)
shakenbake93 0
wow. that sounds like something my dad would do.
BugeryBill 0
ydi it for being ginger...
maskedman 9
Did it get everywhere? Same exact thing happened to me the first time I ate at Chipotle. After a couple of months you'll get used to it.
Boddmon 0
Used to the Chipotle or the diarrhea?
maskedman 9
You get used to the fact that Chipotle gives you bloody diarrhea. I don't mean "bloody" in the European way.
ponytailninja 0
lol snickerdoodles is a loser F her life haha