Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11pm to her garage where we started to have sex. When she came to climax she slipped and hit her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down; we were both still naked, and she was unconscious. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML
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Top comments
woofer_fml 0
LOL. ahahahahaha Note to self, "we're not in movies"
jennaleigh 0
You fail to mention whether you proceeded or not. Oh, and good job, sparky.
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Comments (238)
Prestige768 0
official best award goes to... *drum roll* YOU for being so epicfail! Now tell me, what happened later? :p
greatnt249 0
#67, I suggest you take my advice and learn the difference between "convince" and "coerce."
WendlaMimii 0
#11, the "n" in "nazi" should be capitalized.
12frisbees 0
all the comments about 'going for it while she's out' really sadden me, even if they're jokes. date rape jokes get a whole lot less funny after it happens to you. i know requesting this never works, but just to say it: please, people, consider how sadly common rape is before you make digs about it.
slapper23 0
I am a little suspicious that everyone on FML that bumps there head becomes on conscious.. could happen, but it seems like it happens an awful lot!
DynamiteDoodle 0
Haha, that's rough. It was kinda sweet how you wanted to be romantic, but at least now you know that this stuff doesn't always work like it does in the movies! :P
Ohnoitslindsay 0
Agreed with #90. As "funny" as you are, its distasteful and hurtful.
Miss_Me 0
You may have seen the 'carrying her to the bed' thing in a movie, but I've seen the 'head whacked into the door-frame' on many a sit-com. It sounds fake to me but if it's not, it's more of an fherlife than an fyourlife.
chapter_vII 0
ahahaha...jackass it would have been sweet if you pulled it off though maybe next time you should leave romance out
shalvius 3
haha