Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, while assisting my 2 year-old with potty training, she stuck her hand in her own poop, and when I wasn't expecting it, put her fingers in my mouth. Ever wondered what a green blowout tastes like? I don't have to. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, at the age of 22, I started eating my boogers. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, I caught my wife flicking a booger off her finger. I asked her why she was doing that and she said, "Because if I can't see where it lands, it disappears and is not gross". It landed on my arm. I saw where it landed, it did not disappear, and yes it is gross. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
I might have just vomited a bit.
dankpotatoes 2
The salty ones are always the best
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Comments (119)
learningtodrive 12
That sounds like my grandma. I hate her.
awkward_gothlady 32
It's going to take awhile to get rid of that mental picture...
love1026 6
I was picking my nose while reading this... :
Pandasaurus 14
da fuq..
boofybluth 6
I was just picking mine doeeee
BiChelsea 6
Wait.. Green? Doesn't green mean infection? I think I'm gonlig I throw up now. P.s. I used proper grammar so don't bitch at me!
bobplayshockey 0
Cleveland voice- "oh, thats nasty..."
OneLessScarecrow 6
Yep, I vomited alright.
Rainadeer 2
On my god your wording for this just makes it that much more disgusting.
foxychik10704 17
Darn I was eating