Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
Today, I was using a mall bathroom. Thinking the toilet seat had to be unsanitary, I decided to squat. I was a little farther out than I thought, and ended up peeing all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML
Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Good idea, flee and leave them for the next poor sucker to deal with.
Miss_Attitude96 24
I don't understand how hard it is for people to flush the toilet. Seriously, I am a junior in high school and there are disgusting girls that leave their used pads and tampons in the toilets. It's gross.
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Comments (135)
eaglerob 20
Soooo...no sex in bathrooms for you?
Born2die 11
wait... girls poop?
Hammer01 8
You really need Depends Pull ups when you go out. Problem solved.
aimeesea75 16
Could have done it in a plastic bag
JiggyBoo123 11
I understand, OP. I have a minor fear of public bathrooms, and a crippling fear of porta-johns. Seriously, porta-potties are just GUH. it's a bathroom full of shit from previous people sitting in the middle of OUTSIDE. I don't know how anybody can use one of those things. I once walked into one of those and saw a decapitated PENIS lying on the floor of it. That was probably the last time I ever comfortably walked into a porta-potty without preparing for the worst. Public bathrooms in stores and such are another thing, but using them is still hella uncomfortable. I always worry about splashing water and "OH GOD WHERE HAS THIS WATER BEEN OH GOD IT'S TOUCHING ME OMG OMG OMG." Then I just /can't/ use bathrooms at school. First, they make you call a DA at school to take you there (so somebody's LISTENING to you pee), then if you take "too long" you could get in trouble for skipping class. I never know how long is "too long" to pee, so I just don't go. It's scary. ...TMI, sorry, but still. Sorry about that, OP. I know what this situation is like (been in a similar one myself) and it really blows. FYL.
ksks1234 33
So, the penis lost his head?
Xxblackice 13
I don't know but when I was working the cornfields of Nebraska in a 120 degree weather I'm and had to use the port a potty I'm glad it was just small I don't know what I would have done if I found decapitated penis
DarkskyFML 5
A crippling fear of Porta Potties? Funniest thing I have read in a while. I am picturing you laying on the ground sobbing and wretching at the sight of a Porta Potty.
onorexveritas 24
could've gone into the other stall, why didn't I go into the other stall? oh my eyes!
onorexveritas 24
I've seen some nasty diarrhea toilets before so I feel your pain... I don't know why people think covering it with a load of toilet paper fixes it better than flushing
Old_Iron_Sides 6
If it's that much of a problem to you, you should flush before you lift the seat.
Jaguar1996 3
You cried wow dude.. that's pathetic
Durdanya 13
I feel your pain, OP! You're not overreacting at all; public washrooms are an insanely unhygienic place. I bet the owner of the crap didn't wash their hands. Feel better, OP!