Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML
Today, I got home to my grandma yelling at the top of her lungs that I didn't do everything I was supposed to when I was home. I literally washed dishes, cleaned counters, vacuumed, gathered trash, AND cleaned the bathroom. I didn't fold my blankets. That's it. That's what she was yelling about. FML
Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML
Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML
Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for four years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, in the entire half-hour since my mother-in-law reached our home, she's inspected and criticised every aspect of our home, despite things being spot clean. And sermoned me non stop on how to "live". My husband still wonders why I don't want her visiting. It"s going to be a long two weeks. FML
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Top comments
Nilorak 24
Sneezing is really rude though dude.
ShadowlessSpear 21
Fap and sneeze at the same time. Show her who's boss.
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Comments (71)
Mauskau 36
Things like this makes me glad my nan has terrible hearing.
vikky538 29
may be she is talking about dick sneeze...
Michael_c421 3
Of course this is in Kentucky...
merekat95 14
I LIVE with my grandma because I got laid off a year go and haven't found a job yet, she's exactly like that. Drives me INSANE. I feel you OP.
Spadoinkle 10
She sounds like a ray of sunshine. It's great that you're helping her out, but she could be a little more grateful for your help. Sometimes family members are the worst people to be around. Good luck!
savemeSheehan 8
grand parents can be ******* crazy
TisAPenguin 16
Everyone acts like they have to put up with stupid shit just because it's family. Do yourself a favor and leave.
8313girl 28
I agree! Family or not, if they don't care enough to give you the respect you deserve then tell them to kick rocks. I'd much rather be around people who love and accept me than be around people just because we're related.
kysier 8
Give her the masturbation talk, while calling her a cracker and talking as loudly as possible.
GamerOs946 6
Bless you for when you sneezed
echosong 16
Fap on the roof!
rambleramble3 11
Fantastic! Hahaha