Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a strip club and got a dance from a 19-year-old who was clearly not into me. I left and got into my car, and parked on a busy street. For some reason, the desire to do something pathetic was coursing through my veins, and so… I jerked off right there in my car. I think I was trying to get caught. FML
Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML
Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
Today, after I took off a week from work to grieve the loss of my girlfriend, who was very sick and passed due to natural causes, my paycheck suffered because of that and last night, to avoid going back to hard drugs, I went out to the clubs where I blew the only 250 bucks I had on strippers and drinks. Now I have 0 bucks for rent. FML
Today, I turned down a chance to go to a bar with a girl I like because I have an autoimmune disorder and don't want to get sick because of being irresponsible and obviously COVID 19. FML
Today, I went to the bar because, I like to go to the bar every Saturday, but wearing a wedding ring so people wouldn't hit on me. But when I went this time, I forgot my ring and people still didn’t hit on me. So now I know it has nothing to do with the ring at all. FML
Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
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Top comments
uns211 0
how the **** do these fmls even get accepted :/
XR6Falcon 0
but you are desperate and why would you care what a dirty stripper thinks of you?
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Comments (102)
Smiley420 0
john pearce
xx_kaelen_xx 0
umm hello strippers don't care if ur desperate
jf7609 0
LMAO....wouldn't want that!
jason2468 0
op u r a complete idiot do u think they give a shit wether ur desperate or not!!
daisyclouds 0
this is solo funny!
perdix 31
The entire premise of the stripping industry is that you ARE desperate! Guys will high-end pussy at home aren't wasting time at the strip clubs. Do you avoid restaurants so that you do not appear hungry in front of the servers?
FatalWedgie 0
lol. I hate it when people think I'm hungry
metalmusic 0
Dude. I love you. xD And does OP not know that most strippers work different shifts/nights? For God's sake go on Friday. You won't seem desperate anyway. You're just money to them. To seem desperate is implying that they even notice you.
perdix 31
I can't tell you the discomfort I've endured when I go to a place that has a men's room attendant! How can I let that dude think I need to take a pee or a dump?
ImaginaryFoe 1
I won't hire a maid because I don't want her to think I'm a slob. I also haven't been to work in days because I'd hate for them to think I need the money.
ILikePopCorn 0
haha #48 comments like these make my day a whole lot better
FatalWedgie 0
OP, stop spending all of your money at the club to no avail and just bang my ex wife like everyone else.
metalmusic 0
But doesn't your ex wife work there now?
perdix 31
No, his mom does.
maskedman 9
#30 that is hilarious. Now, how do I get in contact with this ex-wife?
FatalWedgie 0
that wasn't nice perdix. nor funny. that comment kinda made me wanna jump thru this FML and ****-start your head just to help get u back on track with your witty and intelligent humor.
perdix 31
Actually, I was aiming it at the OP, not you. When I wrote it, I didn't realize that metalmusic had referred to you. Sorry for the confusion.
FatalWedgie 0
no worries, man. all in good fun
jhowe72192 0
your an idiot ydi
lancer126 0
how is this an FML at all????
crazycornn 0
you look desperate just by going in the first place, sorry