Today, I attempted meal prepping to “get my life together.” Within an hour I'd burned rice, melted a plastic spatula, and discovered I’d seasoned chicken with powdered sugar instead of salt. My smoke alarm and my stomach filed complaints. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found a recipe online that looked delicious and not too complicated. Halfway through cooking, I realized I was reading the instructions for two different recipes and had combined them into one horrific dish. The resulting meal tasted like burnt cardboard mixed with regret. My girlfriend ended up ordering takeout. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, I tried to microwave a leftover burrito. I forgot to remove the foil it was wrapped in. The microwave went into overdrive in a dramatic display of sparks, the fire alarm went off, and I had to convince the neighbors at my door not to evacuate their apartments. I still haven’t eaten. FML
Today, I told my roommate I'd meal-prepped a whole week's worth of food. Hours later, I found all my perfectly packed containers… in the freezer. I meant to refrigerate them, but now I have seven blocks of chicken-and-rice ice sculptures. FML
Today, I woke up after putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize what I'd done until I smelt burning plastic. FML
Today, I was so excited to finally try a new recipe that I found online. After hours of prep, I realized I misread the serving size and ended up cooking enough food to feed a small army. I don't have a freezer and I live in the middle of nowhere. FML
Today, I hosted a family dinner. I made a roast, potatoes, green beans, and homemade bread. Everything went smoothly until I realized halfway through I'd used powdered sugar instead of flour. No one noticed at first, then my aunt asked in horror, “Why's it taste like cake?” The rest of the meal was eyed suspiciously and I almost fainted from the stress. FML
Today, I put leftovers in the microwave and pressed what I thought was “1:00.” It was actually “10:00.” I got distracted, then realized at minute eight when the smell changed from “warm food” to “bad science experiment.” FML
Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML
Today, I tried to make popcorn in the microwave but forgot to remove the plastic wrapper. The kitchen filled with smoke, the fire alarm went off and my neighbors came knocking to see if I was alright. When they asked what caused it, I had to admit that it was “Erm… popcorn.” FML
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Top comments
juggalo2 22
Be sure to start with small goals. I suggest buying a rice cooker. It's not expensive, it saves time, and the rice will come out perfect every time. Additionally if you don't know how to cook, start simple. I find you can cook a starch, a meat and a canned vegetable, and bam: you have a meal (or three). A little salt or sauce and it's palatable. Then you try some seasonings. Then you can work up to fresh vegetables. Then you can gain the confidence to try recipes again. Eating cheaply is easy with just a little planning and effort. Experiment a little at a time, and don't jump to a complicated recipe before you've mastered basic cooking techniques.
GoogieWithers 25
If you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail. Make a list of recipes along with times and ingredients needed. Figure out how long the prep will take and allow time for defrosting and mistakes. Don't rush yourself.
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Comments (3)
juggalo2 22
Be sure to start with small goals. I suggest buying a rice cooker. It's not expensive, it saves time, and the rice will come out perfect every time. Additionally if you don't know how to cook, start simple. I find you can cook a starch, a meat and a canned vegetable, and bam: you have a meal (or three). A little salt or sauce and it's palatable. Then you try some seasonings. Then you can work up to fresh vegetables. Then you can gain the confidence to try recipes again. Eating cheaply is easy with just a little planning and effort. Experiment a little at a time, and don't jump to a complicated recipe before you've mastered basic cooking techniques.
GoogieWithers 25
If you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail. Make a list of recipes along with times and ingredients needed. Figure out how long the prep will take and allow time for defrosting and mistakes. Don't rush yourself.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Did you forget to read the recipe and preparation instructions?