Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML
Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML
Today, I've been sneezing and coughing and not feeling well, so I decided to go to the grocery store to get some bone broth and some orange juice. Shortly after grabbing the orange juice, I felt like I had to pass gas, except it wasn't gas, it was diarrhea. At 35 years-old I pooped my pants in the grocery store. FML
Today, in an effort to curb my drinking, I’ve tried eating an apple whenever I got the urge, which worked wonderfully for a couple of days, until the sudden influx of fiber in my diet caused me to violently shit myself miles from home. I was wearing shorts. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I ate something that didn’t agree with me. Now I’m in the bathroom and my butthole is dry heaving. FML
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Top comments
saffy66 34
Are you sure something went bad? If you've been eating unhealthy and low fibre food, it may just be your body's response to the sudden influx of raw juice and fibre. Sometimes you need to start slow when making dietary changes. But good on you for doing something positive for your health.
xxDragonHeart_fml 10
You'll start a healthy lifestyle with clean intestines.
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Comments (71)
leahthepotato7 5
More fiber = more poop Carrots = fiber
amandaleigh091 10
Did you peel the carrots first? If not, the skins act as a diuretic, which explains the burning booty.
GAMERZxxHD 25
I was planning on starting to change my diet up a little by eating healthy even though I don't need to. And this makes me want to keep my pizza even more now.
vikky538 29
Well. You can look at it as. Lets start clean
Apeman101 6
well . I guess when u try to live healthy its always painful at the beginning thought if it doesn't pass after a while u better check ur sitting arrangements while u drink those health juices.
joyboy390 12
Theres no better way to kick start a diet than an good internal cleansing!!
SydLovesLacey 18
How much did you drink? Gotta start off slow first.
marsbrad 5
That's what apples do moron.
FlutterLoud 29
If your body isn't used to it you'll get sick if yu have a lot at once. Gotta introduce it slowly and increase the intake slowly :) trust me, it'll take a bit of time but it'll be worth it in the end to be healthy if that's your goal :)
Relic256 9
An clean colon is a healthy colon!