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Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

Spyware

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

WTF roomie?

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

How very dare you?

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML