Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML
Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
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Top comments
lexiieeex3 32
I read this too quickly and thought you said that you walked in on your roommate jacking off to Frozen. As bizarre as it is, I found great relief in reading the entirety of the FML.
Mynamewontfi 40
That boy ain't right, I tell you hwat.
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Comments (78)
JustinJK 21
Why? what would be wrong with jacking off to hank?
LyricaSilvan 30
Your roommate needs to raise his standards...
PlayD3ad 2
I feel like he needs his own place if those shenanigans are going to happen lmao.
SmittyJA24 26
Lois Griffin is much hotter....
hmrhoades 18
Or Francine Smith? ?
evank98 10
Or real people
acmariner99 25
Reading these make me wonder how our species has survived this long
jfigley 5
Agreed bruh....
middlenamefrank 8
I agree that Lois is hotter.
captainsmegma 12
Next up maybe a threesome with Patty and Selma.
vikky538 29
Damn did you froze there too watching that horrific scene along like the tv screen.
fonkimonki 7
So, time to do what he says, get out.
WhamBamIngraham 4
That boy ain't right.