Today, it's my wife's birthday. She also sleepwalks, sleep eats and sleep drinks. This morning, her subconscious remembered it was her birthday and wanted to celebrate in style. I found my $200 bottle of Johnny Walker Blue was missing 3". She doesn't remember drinking it. I'm so glad she enjoyed it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife doesn't remember that last night when she was so drunk (light weight) that she kept telling me to pick up the thingy off the floor and was pointing at it. We went back and forth about it for a few minutes. There was nothing there. FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML
Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
I would say that it sounds like you need to avoid keeping liquor at home. Either spouse is “sleep-drinking” or “sneaking drinks” and does not remember or will not admit to doing so. Keeping a supply of very expensive liquor (or even the cheap stuff) at home is not a good idea under these circumstances. Find a new hobby.
JasonThorn 23
And the reason there are no security locks on the pantry, fridge, and liquor cabinet is...what?
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Now you don't have to buy her another birthday present.
Chazzster 32
I would say that it sounds like you need to avoid keeping liquor at home. Either spouse is “sleep-drinking” or “sneaking drinks” and does not remember or will not admit to doing so. Keeping a supply of very expensive liquor (or even the cheap stuff) at home is not a good idea under these circumstances. Find a new hobby.
JasonThorn 23
And the reason there are no security locks on the pantry, fridge, and liquor cabinet is...what?
Justkidding100 41
have her pay back the... 30$? :/