Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
Sounds like a fair payment.
Soloman212 28
Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.
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Comments (282)
Natalie403 6
Did you give your son a lollipop?
awesomegirl2s98 1
Good luck with her. She's an alcoholic Girl who doesn't give a damn.
kut19 6
she was drinking it, not brushing her teeth with it.
ritbbehindu 0
win^ and first guy :) nice
TheDrifter 24
Snookie perhaps then?
CaityCatastrophy 0
No, otherwise there would be glitter and god knows what else.
Firate 3
Is the babysitter Ke$ha?
johnson94 5
that's funny, right?... because before she's leaves, she brushes her teeth with a bottle of jack? right???
jak133 0
probly... then she is going to wake up felling like p diddy
nocanhaz 4
She deserved it for drinking around little kids.
OnlyAFeckWanker 0
She drinked it for kidding around little deserves.
WCARlover 35
sounds like you gotta stop hiring babysitters from the local prison?
jayellef 3
she deserves to be peed on, and I really hope you didn't pay her and then charged her for the whiskey, that stuff is expensive. also if she's underage, time to talk to the parents.
Narwhalskill 0
Your son is my hero. I hated my babysitters
garrettcodd 0
lol you sure she didnt just pee herself in her drunken state?:)
dummayy 0
haha...kids will be kids hehe :P
Egnar 19
Well if your son is safe [which is all that matters] it looks like you've just gotten the cheapest babysitter in the world [depending on how long you were out, considering it was work I imagine 6-8 hours or a small amount of time if he's in school yet]. Despite what everyone was saying a Bottle of Jack is NOT that expensive so refusing to pay up for her lack of maturity and concern for the wellbeing of your son. If she's a child I highly recommend calling her parents and informing them of the situation - Not so much because you want to be a "bitch" but because it's the right thing to do.
eradonnes 0
ah dude chill out,dont spend half ur ******* life wrinting one comment!!!
Egnar 19
Sorry, buddy, some people can type at a speed greater than 3wpm. . . .at 90wpm and greater than 90% accuracy I'm pretty sure that took no more than 2 minutes to type out. Don't spend your whole afternoon getting upset about not being able to appreciate it.
eradonnes 0
writing*
eradonnes 0
ooooh shit dude didnt mean to get u butt hurt n all.
dinosaurfeces 4
SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP.
wooptheresheis 1
it more money them u think....
eradonnes 0
thank you!!!
geeksaresexy 18
A bottle of JD is about £10.. that is not expensive! If it was a bottle of something decent like Bruichladdich I'd be annoyed. Also we're all assuming it was OP's bottle and the babysitter didn't buy it herself
Lisa89 3
£10 = 2 hours min wage. You'ld have to work 2 hours to drink that...
geeksaresexy 18
I have to work 100 hours to pay my mortgage.. 2 hours is nothing!
tomboy_girl23 0
I strongly agree with the op