Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport. After I politely apologized she said, "Watch your step, asshole." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML
Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML
Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML
Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her, "Get the fuck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML
Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML
Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
Manners went out of style in the early 90's. It seems you won't make it anywhere in this world if you're polite to others. People seem to take it the wrong way and see you as even more of an asshole than you really are. If you were even one in the first place.
JokeMeister 0
The correct response was"**** You!!"
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Comments (285)
SoundnVasion 0
You should've started a huge one hour argument so that she would miss her flight. (Assuming she was on her way to one)
FFML_314 12
That sounds polite to me. Especially in Jersey. Don't worry. She won't remember that you're an asshole in a week.
Chrisskiies 0
She'll be thinking of the new asshole in a day. Lol.
MC_Telepathy 0
a few minutes more like it lol
Tootsiee 0
Get over it, it's 2010.
BonJovi821 3
impolite*
RJB 0
But not being to spell is ok? mahhh
Pro_Nothing 9
The correct response would be: "Im sorry b*tch, but I'm being polite and you act like that? Who's the F*cking asshole now?"
cars819 0
you should've replied," yeah I definitely do, if not I'll fall into that big ass of yours"
Jimboom 12
Should have said. "Oh, I mean sorry sir".
stfuexe 0
lol win
1personinthiswor 0
You win as a commenter and a FMA fan :)
maddiester 5
ydi for being polite. shesh,
ohthebloodygore 16
You're an idiot.
nond2nv 4
Agreed.
makemeasandwich 0
that's not even a real fml.
makemeasandwich 0
why was my comment moderated? o.0
ohthebloodygore 16
Never say the FML is fake.
makemeasandwich 0
never question the authority, huh?
FFML_314 12
You got that right. Now, turn around and put your hands behind your back! I said NOW!
redbluegreen 41
NEVER!
FFML_314 12
Will you, if I show you my /secret/ stash of beds with no bottoms? Come on, it's an offer you can't pass up.
redbluegreen 41
-licks lips- Alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you've got yourself a deal.
FFML_314 12
I'll throw in bugles AND tropical skittles. Man, this is starting to sound an awful lot like my Saturday nights.
redbluegreen 41
Oh? I didn't know you did ****. We've taken this to a whole new level, haven't we?
FFML_314 12
Why do I always end up in conversations about ****? I should change careers. Unless, you have an offer /I/ can't resist. Perhaps some $$ or maybe even one of those things you can keep stuff in. What are those called? !
redbluegreen 41
Cookie jars? Pirate chests? Coffins? My empty heart? @_@
FFML_314 12
The last one. I would like your heart.
redbluegreen 41
Well, you see it's located inside a chest. A pirate's chest to be exact.
FFML_314 12
I should just take it all huh?
redbluegreen 41
My ex wife said those exact same words. -breaks into hysterics-
FFML_314 12
*Puts head down in shame* How about another bag of bugles?
redbluegreen 41
Well, I do already have a Fruit By the Foot... Alright.
FFML_314 12
*Offers Pendatik as a virginal sacrifice*
redbluegreen 41
Looks like someone's taken a leaf out of my book. ^_^
RedPillSucks 33
Knock it off, you two. Do you know how hard it is to do a presentation at work when you've got a hard-on? DO YOU!!!???
FFML_314 12
I....I....I do. Do you know how /hard/ it is to listen to a presentation, when the boss has a hard-on? *Hides behind, Red* Don't hurt me.
aardvarkish 17
FML_314, if I were in your jeans, as in "If I were you," I would antagonize the hell out of a boss giving a presentation with a boner by biting my lower lip and breathing deep to heave my chest, etc.
FFML_314 12
How do you think he got the boner in the first place?
FFML_314 12
Pen, you do know she's going to burn you at the stake, right? You are my virginal sacrifice. It has to be done. I can't very much offer myself. Although, it's one of those offers that you can't pass up, she's looking for something a little bit more ......challenging or /hard/ if you will. Edit: Fawk you! I saw that....now I look foolish. Thank. You. Pendatik.
FFML_314 12
Now I don't feel bad about giving you as a peace offering. See if I EVER buy you ice cream again. -Europeans I tell ya-
mikey2469 0
sounds like jersey
SarahKalia 5
Welcome to America.