Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport. After I politely apologized she said, "Watch your step, asshole." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML
Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML
Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML
Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her, "Get the fuck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML
Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML
Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
Manners went out of style in the early 90's. It seems you won't make it anywhere in this world if you're polite to others. People seem to take it the wrong way and see you as even more of an asshole than you really are. If you were even one in the first place.
JokeMeister 0
The correct response was"**** You!!"
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Comments (285)
phorcep 0
>Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport >lady in the New Jersey airport >New Jersey I think I see the source of the problem.
nebula748 14
That's Jersey for you.
Arsonnist 3
Was she old and had red eyes? I think I've seen her husband before.
earljonez 22
ya not really an fml more of a wtf?
3ddie_the_head 0
#40, have some self respect and decency, no one wants to see your saggy breasts.
suphumanity 0
wow your life is harsh
saxophoneguitar 0
yeah thats jersey look at those douchebags on the jersey shore.
splitsides 4
Oh, you mean those people from New York? :|
MetallicaRules19 4
wow get the **** over it shes a bitch but you dont need to bitch to the internet about it!
FFML_314 12
"you dont need to bitch to the internet about it" Are you serious? That is the /entire/ point of this website. If people didn't /bitch/ on here, this website wouldn't exist. Man, people like you just bug me.
FFML_314 12
You wish you were /rubbing/ off on me. But, yes.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I /told/ you to keep the lotion away from him, Anna!
Person1233 13
"The New Jersey Airport?" Riight... You totally didn't just make this up to add to the stereotypes of NJ.
fred88_fml 0
you still walked into her, you desered more